The Hippest Kids In Town

We Have Moved To The Shirker (New Website)

Sat, 05 May 2012 01:40:42 +0100

I have launched a brand new website reviewing Television, Film and Music available at www.theshirker.com

Please come on over and check out the content, comment on the articles, and spread the word.

Also, if you are interested in writing or advertising on The Shirker website please contact martin@theshirker.com

Thank you.

WWE Wrestlemania Week in Miami (Part 3)

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 19:40:00 +0100

Saturday 31/03/12 - Hall of Fame

After what was already a long day trekking around the Miami Beach Convention Centre mingling with thousands of other wrestling fans and harassing our favourite wrestlers, it was time to head back to our hotel and get ready for the evening’s Hall of Fame ceremony at the American Airlines Arena.

They say the dress code for the Hall of Fame is “business casual”, it’s one of those vague terms that doesn’t really explain exactly what is appropriate to wear or not to wear. All of the WWE talent and their family are dressed up in suits and dresses, so I think they like the fans in attendance to at least look semi-smart. I don’t think wrestling fans are often known for their fashion sense. We saw some fans who went really over the top, tuxedos and all, others were wearing suits, buttoned-up shirts and trousers, we just wore a plain polo top with dark jeans. However, I doubt they would turn you away if you just turned up in a wrestling t-shirt.

Before we entered the arena we got to see the WWE talent and their families walking in to the building through the side entrance. They were all dressed up in their finest gear. I managed to take a few photos and get a couple of videos.

There is one video I took here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGLiExOyNVs Many other people have also uploaded videos of the Hall of Fame entrances which are available on YouTube.

This was our first look at the interior of the American Airlines Arena, it is an impressive building, and we got to see the layout change three times over the course of our trip, as we were also there for Monday Night Raw and the Miami Heat basketball game on the Tuesday.

We had floor seats, in Section 8, just a few rows behind where the WWE talent were sitting. Much like with Axxess, I’d never done the Hall of Fame before, so it was insanely exciting watching all the wrestlers, both past and present, enter the arena to various reactions.

I’d watched the edited down version of the Hall of Fame ceremony at previous Wrestlemanias, so I wasn’t quite sure how long this would last. I had a slight feeling that it may drag on in parts, but I’m happy to say that it didn’t seem to drag at all, I was thoroughly entertained throughout, even despite the uncomfortable seats.

It was interesting to hear all the stories that you don’t often get to hear, the personal insights, and tales of travelling on the road. It was quite hard to hear what Mil Mascaras was saying, and even harder to understand what Mike Tyson was saying, and unlike Mascaras English is Tyson’s first language, so he has no excuse. But for the most part the speeches were excellent.

JBL and Christian gave the best introduction speeches for their friends and former tag partners Ron Simmons and Edge. Funny, heartfelt, and touching. While Edge and The Four Horsemen gave the best induction speeches, and what do you know, Flair started crying!

The Hall of Fame is now a certified part of the Wrestlemania weekend, and something I’d recommend you do if you are planning to attend a future Wrestlemania. To be in the same building as all that history, with stars of the present and the past together in attendance, it is really quite thrilling, and pumps you up for Wrestlemania the following day.

WWE Wrestlemania Week in Miami (Part 2)

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 14:12:00 +0100

Saturday 31/03/12 - Wrestlemania Fan Axxess Session 2 and 3

On the Saturday we had two Axxess sessions to attend. The General Admission 8am morning session, and then an hour break, before the 1pm session. So it was wake up at 6:30am, get ready, and take another taxi to the Convention Centre. It was a long day bearing in mind we also had the Hall of Fame ceremony to attend in the evening.

As we had picked up all our tickets for the different sessions on the Thursday, we didn’t have to queue at the ticket office, so this time we went straight in. We headed over to the General Admission waiting area, and we had a plan this time. When we got in we were just going to run straight to one of the signing tables and hope that it was someone worth meeting. We’d done all the other activities, so today we were simply trying to meet as many wrestlers as possible.

I’d definitely suggest going to the early session, it was no where near as packed as the later sessions, when we got in most of the queues were nearly empty. So we jumped in to a line, it was the one that had previously had Beth Phoenix and Daniel Bryan on on the Thursday, so we was expecting someone semi-decent. Who was it going to be? Christian? Zack Ryder? Eve? No, Ted DiBiase, who we had previously done the photo-booth meet with on the Thursday. We were right at the front though, so we decided we might as well get his autograph too, and I even told him that I just had to come and meet him again after meeting him Thursday, I hope my sarcasm didn’t cut too deep.

Afterwards we quickly scooted around to the photo-booth set up behind the DiBiase signing, where Alex Riley was taking pictures. The queue wasn’t that big so we got in line. It’s always good to scout out what is going on in the signings around you while you are waiting in line, so that you know where you are heading once you finish.

It was then a case of navigating the room and working out what queues were moving fastest, who we really wanted to meet, and getting to meet as many wrestlers as possible, hence heading over to the signing of Rikishi and The Usos, 3 for the price of 1!

Would help if I looked at the camera right? This is a common occurrence. If you don’t have anything for the wrestlers to sign they will just sign a generic piece of white A4 paper with the Wresltemania logo in the corner. I really wish I bought a bunch of 8x10 promo photos before I went to Miami and got those signed, but you always think of these things in hindsight. I did bring some old WWE magazines that I dug out of my loft space.

Next door to the Rikishi and Usos signing, Hunico and Camacho were in one of the photo-booths, along with their low-rider bicycles, we thought this would make a cool picture, and again, the queues for the photo-booths move fairly quickly, so we jumped in line.

Next we went over to the Legends table where Jim Ross, Gerry Briscoe and Jimmy Hart were signing. We knew it was coming up to switch over time in about half an hour, and we knew it was Rowdy Roddy Piper coming out next, so we jumped in the queue, happy either way with which ever we got to meet. We were nearly at the front when JR, Briscoe, and Hart left, and out came Roddy Piper and Rocky Johnson. Piper was clearly inebriated, which is part of the course for Hot Rod I guess.

Rowdy Roddy Piper is a certified legend so getting to meet him was a real pleasure. There was one guy in the queue behind us that had been a Piper fan for over 30 years, he was beyond ecstatic to get to finally meet him, and he later told us that Piper said he was going to wait around afterwards to have a chat with him, whether that was true or not I don’t know, but that’s a really cool thing for Piper to do if so.

After Piper and Johnson we headed down towards the entrance because we knew Lita was doing a signing down there, and Lita was one person I actually had something specifically for her to sign, I had an old WWE magazine with her on the cover. Before I got up there Lita was signing the A4 piece of paper for a young girl, the paper already had autographs from other wrestlers on it, Lita was reading it and this is what she said “Skip Sheffield - who is that?”. Amazing.

Lita’s was probably the coolest autograph I got, her signature in the silver sharpie really stood out on the magazine cover, I’m thinking about framing it and putting it on my wall, because I’m a super nerd like that. In other Lita news, she was CM Punk’s “plus-one” at the Hall of Fame, oh yeah!

It was almost coming to the end of the first session, so we wandered around seeing if we could fit anyone else in. I think Jack Swagger and Vicki Guerrero were signing, but their queue was still pretty big. We headed over to where the VIP session was to see if we could get a couple of snaps of Randy Orton from the side, but to our surprise Orton had left and William Regal was now occupying that table. His queue wasn’t massive but had a fair amount there, so we quickly got in, just in time because soon after they closed it off.

Regal was easily the nicest guy we met, he actually took time to talk to you and personalised the autograph. The staff kept trying to rush us along and told us there wasn’t time to take photos, but Regal was more than happy to pose for snaps.

And that was it for the first session. We had an hour to kill before the 1pm session started, so we went to grab some food from the McDonald’s around the corner before heading back. They do have places to eat inside the convention centre, various food stalls and stuff, but they are expensive.

We arrived back at the convention centre just before 1pm and went straight in to the VIP holding area, where we were given our yellow Chris Jericho wristbands. There wasn’t much waiting around this time as we’d got there quite late, so after a few minutes we were inside and you could already tell that this session was going to be a lot busier.

Much like on the Thursday we went straight over to the VIP signing table for our Chris Jericho meet, but we were surprised to see that Shawn Michael’s was doing the first VIP, and that Jericho wasn’t coming on til 3pm. With that we did the same as earlier, we jumped in to a queue and hoped for the best. No, it wasn’t Ted DiBiase again, although I kind of wish it was, instead it was The Great Khali.

If William Regal was the nicest guy we met then Khali was easily the most ignorant. You can probably tell from my expression in the photo that I wasn’t impressed. He looked like he couldn’t be arsed to be there, he didn’t even look up at me or respond to me, he was too busy talking to the staff member next to him, and apparently my mate said that he was complaining about having to keep walking down the steps to take photos with the disabled fans. I don’t know if that is completely true, but it certainly looked like it was an inconvenience for him to have to keep moving.

After that thrilling meet with The Great Khali my friend and I split up for a bit. We had different priorities, I wanted to meet Rosa Mendes, who was doing a photo-booth meet along with Primo and Epico, while he wanted to meet his favourite The Miz. So I jumped in to the Rosa, Primo, and Epico queue. While I was waiting I had a decent view of the ring, and got to see a Brodus Clay squash match, yay!

I don’t know if Rosa could’ve worn a tighter fitting dress if she tried! When we met back up it turned out that The Miz hadn’t come out yet, although he was booked for our session, so my mate instead met Michael McGillicutty, I still say Rosa was the better choice.

At this point we thought it would be smart to start queuing for the Jericho VIP so that we were at least some where near the front of the line, and could then maybe fit in a couple of other signings afterwards. We walked over to the VIP section and the queue for Shawn Michaels was still huge. The people waiting for Jericho had already started forming a line to the side, so we joined the queue.

It had gone 3pm and HBK was still signing away, his line didn’t look as if it was getting any shorter. They ended up moving Jericho to the Legends table, which was just opposite the VIP section. Having Chris Jericho in front of the Legends logo felt very appropriate in my opinion. It was nearly 3:30pm before Jericho finally showed, I thought at one stage that he was going to end up trolling us, come out, get us all pumped up, and then just leave.

I can’t even remember what I said to Jericho, as I was too concerned that my photo came out okay after the CM Punk disaster. I did get him to sign a copy of his book though, so that was pretty sweet.

A lot of our time had gone while waiting for Jericho, and many of the other queues were now being closed off. My mate really wanted to meet The Miz, but they had closed off his line, however, there was still around 20 minutes of the session left, and there was a few people hanging around outside the line, so he waited there while I went to get a bottle of water and see if I could sneak in to Kaitlyn’s queue, I was only successful in one of those things.

I returned back with my bottle of water, and my mate was now in a new line that had formed outside the waiting area, I joined him. The staff member was slowly letting people back in to the line a few at time. One guy was getting pissed off because he must have been sent away earlier, and now they were letting people back in. We got to the front, and finally, the staff member lifted up the rope and let us in. It really topped the day off, because it had been very successful in terms of meeting wrestlers, it was just The Miz who my mate really wanted to see, and luckily we got him in the last few minutes.

So if you ever attend Axxess and you see that they’ve closed the queues off too early, it’s worth hanging around outside them and seeing if they let people back in. We still had a few minutes spare after The Miz so we went to find the shortest queue, which happened to be Alicia Fox, so we asked the staff member if we could go in, and she let us.

Could Alicia look any more interested? And her autograph was basically a squiggle. She should be grateful, we only met her because there was hardly anyone in her queue and we had a few minutes spare. Sorry Alicia, I’m sure it was a long day.

And that concluded a very successful day at Axxess. It was now 5pm and we had to get a taxi back to downtown, and then get ready for the Hall of Fame at the American Airlines Arena. We luckily met two other people at Axxess who were staying in the same hotel as us, so we split the cab fare on the way back…although it did take us a good 45 minutes to find a cab, and it had started raining.

We ended up taking a shuttle that also included a film crew from Eurosport that wanted to film us for something called Clash Time, where we had to pretend that we hadn’t just spent 8 hours trawling around a massive convention centre, doing our damnedest to meet as many wrestlers as possible, plus a subsequent hour wandering in the rain trying to find a taxi, instead we were to pretend that we were on our way to said Axxess session, and to act all excited, yay!

I will be back with Part 3 soon to discuss the Hall of Fame ceremony.

by Martin Holmes

WWE Wrestlemania Week in Miami (Part 1)

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 15:52:00 +0100

Last week I attended the Wrestlemania festivities in Miami, Florida. Travelling all the way from sunny Hull, to Heathrow airport, to Miami International. It was a week long trip that cost almost £2000 in total, including flights, hotel, tickets, and spending money. But it was worth every single penny.

For none wrestling fans it would seem crazy to spend that much money on something as silly as the WWE, and I’m not here to convince non-fans why they should like wrestling, that would be like someone trying to explain to me why they spend endless amounts of money on going to football games or One Direction concerts - people like, and are entertained, by different things.

That’s what it boils down to. Wrestling entertains me. It also frustrates me and makes me angry at times, but that all adds to the appeal. I appreciate the hard work and effort that these men and women put in over 300+ days a year for the fans. I appreciate the athleticism, the story-telling, the drama, the comedy, the backstage politics, the rumour-mill, the highs and the lows. And experiencing this live is like nothing else on earth, and for any fan of wrestling, I recommend to attend Wrestlemania at least once in your life.

Thursday 29/03/12 - Wrestlemania Fan Axxess Session 1

We arrived in Miami on the Wednesday evening, suffering from slight jet-lag we didn’t get up to much, other than scoping the nearby area. We were staying in the Holiday Inn in downtown Miami, opposite Bayside Marketplace, and just a 5 minute walk to the American Airlines arena.

Thursday was our first official day of the trip, and we had purchased VIP tickets to the CM Punk signing at the 6pm Axxess session. All the Axxess events took place at the Miami Beach Convention Centre, which is not far away from South Beach. It cost us about $25 in a taxi from downtown.

We arrived at the convention centre early to pick up our tickets from Will Call, as we had pre-booked the tickets online via Ticket Master. However, the Will Call ticket box didn’t actually open until 4pm, so we had plenty of time to kill. We ventured down to South Beach, strolled through Lincoln Road Mall, and then walked down Ocean Drive, accidentally walking in to a gay bar (hey, these things happen!).

It was the Cleavelander Bar that we chose to stop in for a few drinks, and this turned out to be our first “wrestling” related part of the holiday. After a few moments in the bar, sat enjoying our drinks, my friend commented on a woman that was approaching down the side-street, “Is there any point of her wearing that?” was the comment - the woman in question was wearing a very skimpy mesh like material over a bikini. It wasn’t until she got nearer that we realised it was Maxine from NXT! With that my eyes quickly shot to the guy she was with to see if he too was a wrestler, and low and behold I recognised that mullet haircut, it was none other than Santino Marella.

We debated whether it would be appropriate to stop him and ask for a picture, but luckily he walked in to the bar we were sat in, which made it much easier to approach him. Anthony Carelli aka Santino Marella was very approachable and laid-back and happy to take pictures with us. Definitely didn’t sound Italian though. Kind of hard to take him seriously as his comedy goof character now, he seemed like such a cool dude.

It was a nice way to start the holiday and get us even more excited for the upcoming Axxess session - it also meant we didn’t have to wait in line to meet Santino, because we got him for free.

We headed back to the convention centre for about 3:30pm, by this point a queue was building at the ticket office. Some were waiting to buy general admission tickets, while others were waiting to pick there’s up. If you are ever attending an Axxess event, it is wise to turn up as early as possible, luckily we were near the front, but the queue got big fast, and the worst thing is to be still stuck in line while the event is taking place.

Inside in the lobby are lots of superstar banners and posters, a dude selling Wrestlemania/Hall of Fame programmes, and then two holding areas, one for VIP ticket holders, and one for General Admission ticket holders. As we had VIP tickets for CM Punk we were directed to the VIP area and given a CM Punk wristband.

After waiting around for what seemed like another 45-60 minutes, we were finally ushered in to the actual convention centre. The excitement builds as the staff check your bags, you can hear wrestling music blasting out from inside, and see the various superstar banners draping the walls.

I’ve attended three previous Wrestlemanias (21, 22, and 24) but this was the first time I’d done Axxess, so I didn’t really know what to expect. The place was massive, there was so much going on, it’s overwhelming when you first arrive. There is a ring set up at the back where various activities and matches take place, there was a John Cena rock-wall, a place where you could film your own entrance video, sections of memorabilia, and lots of tables and booths dotted around the room where various superstars and divas do signings or photoshoots.

We wasn’t quite sure where to go first, but seeing as we had VIP CM Punk tickets we thought the wisest option was to head to his signing table, which was located at the back to the left of the ring. The queue for Punk was already big when we got over there, and we did spend a long time waiting, but we’d paid VIP, so no way we were ducking out now.

Meeting Punk was great, but it was so rushed. There are three levels of staff at Axxess, there are security staff, authorised staff (that are allowed to go backstage), and then volunteer staff, and there seemed to be miscommunication between the three. When it’s your turn to meet the VIP wrestler, a staff member takes your camera and takes a snap while you pose with said wrestler, however the woman that was doing ours must have been told to hurry up, because she rushed and my photo came out blurred. Now, I still got to meet Punk, shake his hand, and get something signed, but to spend £85 and not even get a good photo is extremely disappointing.

I’ve already sent my email of complaint to WWE, so lets see if I can get any freebies out of them. We spoke to a couple of other people who had the same problem, and they actually went back, and were told to wait, and got their photos done again. I didn’t think to do that, because we wanted to try and meet as many other people as possible, and we’d already queued for ages at the CM Punk table.

After we met Punk we headed over to the ringside area, with our VIP wristbands we were allowed to go right to the front. We got to see a couple of matches, Ezekiel Jackson vs Hunico, and a very good FCW match between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins (formerly Jon Moxley and Tyler Black).

The best advice I could give somebody who is planning to do Axxess in the future, is to do at least two sessions. The first session is so overwhelming, you aren’t quite sure what to do, and can waste a fair bit of time just getting your bearings. Use the first session to meet a couple of wrestlers, and then do all the other activities, such as The Undertaker’s Graveyard, the Wrestlemania Ring Attire collection, and if you are interested you can make your own ring entrance, or battle Howard “The Fink” Finkle in a trivia game. Again, with the VIP wristband you get priority and can skip the lines at stuff like Undertaker’s Graveyard and the Ring Attire section.

You can then use your second Axxess session to simply focus on meeting wrestlers, we did three sessions overall, two VIP (Punk and Jericho), and then one General Admission. I’d even suggest just doing the General Admission ones, unless there is someone you desperately want to meet at the VIP. We definitely fit more wrestlers in during our subsequent sessions, although saying that, we still met a few during our first.

There are two types of meets set up. There are signings, in which a superstar or diva (sometimes more than one) sit at a table, and you get to go up and have something signed (only one thing, this can be a programme, a belt, t-shirt, poster, magazine etc). The staff always tell you that you can’t take photographs while up there because they need to speed things along, however just ignore this, because everybody takes photos, you’ve paid all that money and travelled all that way, the least you are getting is a photo. The wrestlers themselves don’t mind at all.

Then there are photo-booths, these tend to be the less big stars, more up and comers, and the queues are a lot shorter and move a lot faster. Here there is no signing, just a wrestler stood in front of a WWE related background, and you go up and a professional photographer takes your picture, then gives you a card with a code on it that you can type in online to find your photo.

I also found that if your wear a slightly different t-shirt (rather than a generic wrestling shirt) it is a good ice-breaker if you don’t quite know what to say to a particular wrestler. Justin Gabriel was a big fan of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt, and CM Punk said he had the same one (although I think he was probably lying).

The signing tables are a lot harder to navigate because the queues can get very long, and you don’t always know who is going to be appearing. Also, each session lasts for four hours, and at the two hour mark the wrestlers swap over, so you could be queuing up for a specific wrestler that you want to meet, and then suddenly he is swapped for someone you aren’t that interested in meeting.

The volunteer staff say that they don’t know which wrestlers are at what tables, but this is a lie. If they are holding a white sheet of paper, then they know, they may not know who that person is as they seem to purposely hire non-wrestling fans, one woman didn’t know who Jimmy Hart’s megaphone belonged to - despite it being covered in love hearts, and Jimmy hart himself wearing a white jacket also covered in love hearts - the other options were JR or Gerry Briscoe! But they have the superstar’s name written on the paper, as my mate caught a glimpse of one reading “JTG”, so we ducked out of the line.

There was one member of staff who didn’t have a piece of paper and was trying to tell us who it was but she couldn’t quite remember, she said “Crystal?” We racked our brains trying to think of who that could be, “Was there a Crystal in NXT or FCW?” My mate said “Maybe she means Christian?” but I kind of dismissed it. Then we heard people chanting “Daniel Bryan” so we rushed over to his queue, which was huge.

We then heard a “One More Match” chant from where we were previously standing, and we realised that the woman did in fact mean Christian, which was a little annoying because we could have been right at the front of the queue, and met Christian, and still possibly had time to fit Bryan in too. But regardless, we still got to meet Daniel Bryan, who has always been a favourite of mine, but over this past week I think he’s shot up to my number one favourite currently. Lots of “Yes!” chants while we were in line, a chant that would grow and grow over the week.

Bryan is a very nice guy, always smiling and seemed genuinely happy to meet the fans. He also laughed at my joke when I asked where AJ was and if he had her let her out of the house, loads of people probably said something similar, but he still humoured me. Yes! Yes! Yes!

That was pretty much it for our first ever WWE Axxess session. One hell of an experience but totally overwhelming. I will continue with Part 2 soon, and discuss our two Saturday Axxess sessions, where we arrived with a little bit more knowledge of what to expect, and met a whole bunch of wrestlers.

Thanks for reading.

by Martin Holmes

Soko - I Thought I Was An Alien Review

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:54:00 +0000

Imagine Kimya Dawson went on a foreign exchange program to France and returned with a Jean-Paul Satre novel, a flick-knife, a couple of porno mags, and a French accent, then you are getting somewhere close to the enigma that is Soko.

Stéphanie Sokolinski aka Soko quit music in 2009 before she even released her debut album, claiming herself “dead” via her Myspace page. It was a bold move given that she had a sure fire hit single with “I’ll Kill Her” in Australia and Denmark at the time, and was touring with middle-finger raising, electro-hip hop singer M.I.A. But the pressures of the music industry just weren’t for Soko.

Instead she continued with her acting career, she has starred in many French films and television shows, including Ma Place Au Soleil, directed by the extremely talented Spike Jonez. But now Soko has picked up the guitar again, and she is finally ready to tackle the music business head on with her debut album I Thought I Was An Alien.

The French Kimya Dawson is perhaps an easy tag to slap on Soko, but one that is quite fitting. She dabbles in that same pond of twee, catchy acoustic guitar strumming, with existential crisis lyrics of love, loss, and being a loser. In fact, this album would probably work well as a companion piece to Kimya Dawson’s Hidden Vagenda.

But what sets I Thought I Was An Alien apart, not just from other artists in this genre, but also from Soko’s previous songs, is that she tones down the twee - this certainly isn’t a She & Him album. The subject can often be dark and reflective, especially in the likes of the beautifully sad “For Marlon”, and the album’s stand out track “First Love Never Die”. But it’s not so dark as to be depressing, there is positivity within Soko’s honesty, take “We Might Be Dead Tomorrow” for example, this makes the album surprisingly refreshing.

The sound is old-school indie-folk, complete with vintage drum machines. To its advantage the album maintains a very lo-fi feel throughout, overproduction was a key factor in turning Soko off music in 2009, but here with long-time Elliott Smith collaborator Fritz Michaud, she has found a perfect balance of professionalism and Do It Yourself aesthetic. Soko has a certain way of articulating herself, much like a Daniel Johnston or Belle & Sebastian, that pushes her words to the forefront. Her raspy voice complete with sexy French accent is one we want to listen to.

I Thought I Was An Alien is a delicately constructed album, that perhaps runs a little too long at 15 tracks, but overall is a refreshingly honest, melancholy yet alluring album.

by Martin Holmes

Sleigh Bells - Reign of Terror Review

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:52:00 +0000

There are a few people that call the Brooklyn noise-pop duo of Alexis Krauss and Derek Miller, better known as Sleigh Bells, a one trick pony. That may be the case, but if it is, then it is a trick that they do very well.

It was 2010 when Sleigh Bells first made a mark on the music scene with their debut album Treats, expanding on an M.I.A inspired sound of gunshots, crashes, and pulsating electronic beats, all mixed together in a hip hop blender. Sleigh Bells amped everything up to a Spinal Tap 11, and added in some kick-ass guitar. These brash, trembling beats were topped by the girly, ethereal vocals of Alexis Krauss, creating an intriguing contrast that immediately caught the ear, and the music was catchy enough to make you stick around.

With their sophomore album Reign of Terror the pressure is on Sleigh Bells not to prove that they are more than a one trick pony, but to prove that they can still perform that trick effectively.

Treats fans will be happy to know that the album is still loud, opening track “True Shred Guitar” even tricks you in to turning up the volume with it’s slightly too quiet live intro, before it fires in your face like a loaded M16 and explodes your head. Krauss’ airy vocals sound as sexy as ever, as she sings positive, get up and kick ass lyrics.

But while the music is still definitely noisy, and the vocals still eerily charming, it has all but done away with the hip hop influence, opting instead for a more obvious metal sound. This can be a little daunting initially, especially for those that enjoyed Treats for its distorted upbeat rhythms, and ability to factor in funky break-beat samples and horns amongst it’s fuzzy guitar riffs.

The choice to highlight the metal sound is not necessarily a bad one, it just slows the pace down somewhat, especially in the latter half of the album. It makes the music seem less inventive, stripped back slightly, and while this restraint works on tracks such as “Road To Hell”, it soon falls in to an all too familiar pattern with the likes of “Never Say Die”.

Reign of Terror is more of a grower than Treats grab-you-by-the-throat mentality, but still an album that when played at maximum volume causes an eargasmic sensation. Miller and Krauss have abandoned some of their calling cards, and have played it safe, well as ‘safe’ as a Sleigh Bells record could be, but there is enough on display to show that this duo have plenty of other tricks left up their sleeves.

by Martin Holmes

Lana Del Rey - Born To Die Review

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:44:00 +0000

The big debate regarding haunting, hip-hop fueled, singer-songwriter Lana Del Rey has become less about her musical output, and more to do with her image and it’s authenticity. Seemingly rising out of nowhere with her viral hit “Video Games” last year, Del Rey appeared to be a fully-formed pop princess, destined for future chart success. But then came the shouts of “fake” and “fraud” from cynical critics and angry music blogs. The criticisms have been written about many times before: she was already signed to Interscope Records, she already had an album under the name Lizzy Grant, her Dad is a rich businessman, she used to dress differently, she has had lip surgery etc.

My stance on this debate? Who cares? Many artists have changed their image over the years, either in search for success or because it felt like a natural progression. The Black Eyed Peas went from a semi-socially conscious hip hop group to a sugar coated pop outfit rapping about “My Humps”. P!nk started out as another of many R&B divas in the late 90s, and then transformed in to a rock-chick. Christina Aguilera went from “girl next door” to “dirrrty” to “soul singer”. Rick Ross was a former correctional officer for christ’s sake, and constantly raps about being a gangster don.

So what if Lizzy Grant changed her name to Lana Del Rey and started wearing sun-dresses? Isn’t it just like David Bowie becoming Ziggy Stardust? Or Stefani Germanotta becoming Lady Gaga? It’s not as if Del Rey’s musical style particularly changed, her Lizzy Grant album features the same slow, love-lorn, bad boy obsessed, Lynchian influenced ballads, and she was making homemade “Video Games” style music videos back then too. Everyone got caught up in the Lana Del Rey hype, and now music websites like Pitchfork are embarrassingly back-tracking, oblivious that they were part of the cause.

But with that out of the way, lets just try and judge the album for its own value, shall we?

Stuck to my bedroom door is a poster for the David Lynch film Mulhollad Drive (http://bit.ly/wWTMHG), featuring a palm tree bordered road leading to Hollywood Hills, and the two female stars staring at something off in the distance. The tag-line for the movie is “A love story in the city of dreams”, and I couldn’t think of a more appropriate description when thinking of Lana Del Rey’s Born To Die. Like the film itself, Del Rey’s album focuses in on the allure of Hollywood, role-playing, and self-invention.

Lana Del Rey plays a character, in fact she plays many characters, and her songs are like mini-movies. Her album is full of tragi-romance stories, conflicted heroines, road trips, bad boys, whiskey, and sun dresses. Wild at heart with weird on top, to quote another David Lynch line. She drifts in and out of these personas with relative ease, from the gullible lover in “Off To The Races” with its girly chorus, to the young femme-fatale in “Carmen”, to the seductress in the march-along “National Anthem”.

Del Rey harks back to the days of 1950s starlets, perhaps most specifically Lana Turner, who she shares her namesake with. “You fit me better than my favourite sweater”. Dubbed The Sweater Girl, Lana Turner was a beautiful blonde actress with a troubled past. Here is a short description of her from Michael’s Movie Mania blog:

“In real life, there were many shadows in Turner’s world. Her father was murdered, reputedly for gambling debts, when she was a child. She struggled with alcoholism all her life and had many famous and a few notorious boyfriends, including billionaire Howard Hughes, pretty-boy actor Tyrone Power, and Tarzan star Lex Barker. Turner eventually married seven times.” (http://bit.ly/AhzUHo)

If that doesn’t sound like direct influence and inspiration for Del Rey’s entire burn Hollywood burn outlook, then I don’t know what does. Artifice has always been a part of pop music, and Del Rey has perfected that, she comes under criticism because in this age of paparazzi and blogging, the media feel a need to know everything about you, and not just your public life but your private life too. But regardless of Del Rey not actually living the lives she sings about, her music is relatable in the sense that we can all empathise and sympathise with heartache, love-loss, and pain.

The sound of the music itself doesn’t stray too far away from internet crossover hits “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans”. Del Rey delivers her whispered, slightly slurred, sultry vocals over sparse, hip-hop influenced beats, every so often accompanied by sad pianos and swooping string arrangements. Production credits go to Jeff Bhasker and Emile Haynie, who between them have worked with the likes of Eminem, Kanye West, Jay Z, and Beyonce. Del Rey doesn’t aim for the big notes like her British counterpart Adele, instead she wallows in a low register, creating a heartbroken yet mesmerising sound.

There are times when Del Rey is covering the same subjects, her lyrics can often descend in to cliche, and perhaps none of the other tracks quite reach the heights of “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans”, although “Born To Die”, “Off To The Races”, “Summertime Sadness”, and “National Anthem” are only a whisker behind. But with Born To Die Del Rey has created a very good pop album, an album that will unfortunately never live up to the hype surrounding it, but a welcome alternative to the Katy Perry’s and Kesha’s off this world.

by Martin Holmes

The Hippest Kid's End of Year List (2011)

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 16:51:00 +0000

“Enough with the lists already!” I hear you scream, alright, soon I promise, but you should all know by now that it’s common practice to sum up your opinions of the preceding year in list form; lists help us function as a society, and also make for easy blog-reading.

Below I list my personal favourites and not-so favourites of 2011, including TV, Film and Comedy. Remember, these are just my personal opinions, and I can only vote on what I’ve actually watched this year, that’s why shows like Breaking Bad and Louie are absent, because I’ve only just started to catch up with them.

Best TV Drama

1.

Game of Thrones (HBO)

Easily the most gripping television drama series of the year. George R.R Martin’s fantasy epic A Song of Ice and Fire was brought to life by cable network HBO and the combined skills of David Benioff and D.B Weiss. Featuring a sprawling cast of talented actors, compelling characters, beautiful scenery, and some of the most balls-out, gutsiest story-telling ever seen on TV. Each episode left you begging for more, there’s not much more you can ask of a television drama than that.

Tyrion’s confession: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHx-kita75Y

2.

Doctor Who Series 6 (BBC)

Probably not a surprise to see Doctor Who feature on the list given how much of my blog I devote to the show, but Series 6 truly was a fantastical, mind-bending series. Steven Moffat created one of the most inventive, intricate, exciting series of Doctor Who ever to be broadcast. The acting stepped up a notch too, with Matt Smith now fully embodying the Doctor, and Karen Gillan giving stellar performances in episodes such as “The Almost People” and “The Girl Who Waited”.

The Doctor’s Wife: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxcU5VNDNpk

Boardwalk Empire Season 2 (HBO)

Despite it’s stunning visuals and top tier acting, Season 1 of Boardwalk Empire failed to remain compelling, the stakes just weren’t high enough, it was beautifully made television, but it all felt a little aimless. Season 2 has fixed those problems and improved massively, now as well as the amazing cinematography and superb acting skills, the plotting is much better paced, the story has purpose, and the thematic structuring of certain episodes is extremely impressive. It also features some of the best dialogue on television.

Richard Harrow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0fVy9DMHPQ

Honourable Mentions: Justified, Black Mirror, True Blood Season 4.

Worst TV Drama

Dexter Season 6 (Showtime)

I feel kind of bad putting this show here, but then I just remind myself of what happened this season, and it’s justified. Dexter used to be a good show, never great, but it has been able to deliver thrilling, captivating episodes of television. The writers used to respect Dexter, even if they didn’t care for the majority of the side-characters, the plots made half-way sense, and the dialogue was partially subtle - Season 6 has thrown all that out of the window. Dexter is now as stupid as all the other characters, the dialogue (especially the voice-over) borders on the ridiculous, and the “big-bad” is played by Colin Hanks. Kill it off, put it on a blood slide, and hide it behind the air vent never to be seen again.

Terra Nova (Fox)

Following a long line of recent sci-fi based television shows that sound good on paper but fail in execution (FlashForward, The Event, V), Terra Nova couldn’t hold interest despite it’s intriguing concept. A group of people going back in time to the dinosaur age to start life afresh sounds interesting, but for it to work you need to have likable characters, original story-telling, and the faintest touch of dramatic purpose. It all just felt very wooden and dull, not even dinosaurs could help, nor Allison Miller, who will appear on this list again, albeit for entirely different reasons.

Outcasts (BBC1)

You felt with Outcasts that some suit at the BBC had said “Right, we need to prove we can do sci-fi as good as the Americans”, not realising that the channel is already home to one of the greatest sci-fi shows ever created, Doctor Who. What we got instead was one of the worst sci-fi shows ever created, poorly scripted, full of awful exposition and muddled plots, and some questionable acting, although it perhaps wasn’t the actors faults given what they had to work with.

Dishonourable Mentions: The Playboy Club, Mount Pleasant.

Best TV Comedy

Limmy’s Show Series 2 (BBC Scotland)

Perhaps the most original voice to emerge in British comedy in years, Brian Limond continued his success with the second series of his off-beat sketch show Limmy’s Show. Quite possibly the best sketch comedy show of the last decade, Limmy’s Show is a blend of character pieces, monologues, animation, and sometimes just Limmy dancing to cheesy 80s pop music. It’s smart, witty, angry, silly, and like nothing else currently on television. Oh, and it’s also bloody hilarious!

Tina Turner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J_oee1S66M

Community Season 2 (NBC)

Yes, Season 2 started in 2010, but more than half the episodes aired during 2011 (plus, I haven’t started watching Season 3 yet). Arguably the most daring mainstream sitcom since The Young Ones, constantly breaking conventions and refusing to succumb to the usual tropes of scripted comedy series. It may be for those reasons that Community doesn’t get the ratings it deserves and is in fear of cancellation, but it’s also the reasons that make it fantastic, and why it has garnered such a loyal, dedicated fan-base. Six seasons and a movie!

Troy and Abed and Tacos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGEFGqHROWo

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle Series 2 (BBC)

One of the most intelligent stand-up comedians in the UK, Stewart Lee returned with his dead-pan delivery, superiority complex, and penchant for breaking the fourth wall. Covering topics such as Charity, Identity, and Democracy, although his routines often detoured off in to talking about crisps, slagging off Top Gear, and even playing guitar. The choice to replace the sketches with snippets of the spoof Armando Iannucci interview was a brilliant move, as it provided the episodes with more structure, and made them funnier.

London: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xcjPBjv-nE

Honourable Mentions: Beavis and Butthead Season 8, Twenty Twelve, Psychoville Series 2.

Worst TV Comedy

Life’s Too Short (BBC)

Ricky Gervais laughs at little people. Okay, so it’s supposed to be the comedy of embarrassment, and not actually provoking humour at the expense of others, but no matter how many times Gervais hides behind the badge of “irony”, there is only so much you can take before it crosses that line. Life’s Too Short is the same joke from The Office and Extras, people acting inappropriately, sometimes unrealistically so, resulting in lots of “REACT” shots and “cringe-comedy”. It was also another excuse for Gervais to put his Hollywood pals like Johnny Depp into one of his series, and what is it with all of Gervais’s characters being obsessed with becoming famous - projection much?

Whitney (NBC)

Whitney Cummings, actress and comedian, had two of her shows picked up this year, both sitcoms, the self-titled, self-starring Whitney, and the co-created, executive produced 2 Broke Girls. What do these shows have in common apart from Whitney Cummings? They are both awfully unfunny. Whitney, which is supposed to be an exaggerated version of Cummings’ own life, is corny, cliched, and full of cartoonish characters. As for 2 Broke Girls, well….

2 Broke Girls (CBS)

…It isn’t much better than Whitney. The characters here are even more stereotyped, the laughs come cheap, and the humour is often crass. It’s one saving grace is that the chemistry between the two lead actresses, Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs, is very good, it’s just a shame they are going to waste in this show.

Dishonourable Mentions: Two and Half Men Season Season 9, Mrs Brown’s Boys, Campus.

Best Reality-Competition Show

The Voice (NBC)

A singing talent show that isn’t heaped in negativity? No sob stories or laughing at psychologically damaged people? The Voice was perhaps the surprise hit of the year, an original twist on the saturated talent show, in which the four coaches have their backs turned to the performers and must vote based on voice alone, if they like what they hear, they turn their chair, it is then up to the act to decide which coach they want to be mentored by. The Voice also has one of the best judging panels ever assembled, Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, Cee Lo Green and Blake Shelton, their banter is funny and friendly, and never devolves in to inane bickering.

Blind audition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYMsU4O_-IM

2.

The Celebrity Apprentice 4 (NBC)

When the cast was announced and it included Gary Busey, Meatloaf, and LaToya Jackson, you knew right from the off that this was not only going to be the craziest series of The Apprentice ever, but one of the most wild series of any reality-show ever broadcast. It certainly lived up to it’s crazy hype, with volcanic bust ups between Busey and Meatloaf, the vicious rivalry between Star Jones and NeNe Leakes, and it even showed up music legend Dionne Warwick to be, well, a bit of a bitch. In the end two of the nicest contestants made it to the final two, proving all was right, even in Donald Trump’s world.

Meatloaf vs Busey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItYAZLHrN9M

Big Brother 13 (CBS)

It wasn’t without it’s flaws but Season 13 of Big Brother provided some all time classic moments. This year saw the return of some “famous duos” from seasons past, and it immediately turned in to veterans vs newbies, until Daniele Donato tried to shake things up and everything exploded. The double eviction night was one of the best episodes in Big Brother history, with two of the seasons biggest characters, Daniele and Jeff, getting evicted back-to-back. But in the end it was all about the redemption of Rachel Reilly, who managed to finally fight for herself (and Jordan) and took the crown as Big Brother winner.

Double Eviction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32YWplEKaKo

Honourable Mentions: Junior Apprentice Series 2, Celebrity Big Brother 8, Hell’s Kitchen Season 9.

Worst Reality-Competition Show

The X Factor USA (Fox)

It was supposed to be a huge success, not a huge mess. If The Voice has one of the best judging panels ever assembled, then The X Factor USA has one of the worst ever: LA Reid who lets personal feuds in to his opinions, Paula Abdul whose criticisms are so inane it makes Louis Walsh look like a prophet, and Nicole Sherzinger who was created in a pharmaceutical lab somewhere. The proceedings are haphazardly held together by presenter Steve Jones who appears to have invented an entirely new accent. The drama and tension is all false, the only decent acts left the competition too early, some didn’t even make the live shows (Caitlin Koch), and the Thanksgiving special remains one of the most offensive things I’ve ever witnessed.

The X Factor Series 8 (ITV)

The fact that the best thing about the eighth series of The X Factor was Dermot O’Leary’s opening dance routines, and Tulisa wearing a catsuit on the Halloween special, sums up how turgid and awful it has been. Laughing at mentally ill people in the auditions, accusations of contestant bullying, Frankie Cocozza’s cocaine blues, technical glitches, sick calls, and a judging panel as equally bad as it’s US counterpart. The talent was lacking, the chemistry between the judges was lacking, the entire concept was lacking, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a complete overhaul again next series.

Big Brother 12 (Channel 5)

When Channel 5 bought Big Brother they had the perfect opportunity to change the show’s format, which had grown stale on Channel 4. But, of course, they didn’t. And while the short celebrity series was a small success, that couldn’t be carried over into the regular series that started immediately afterwards. The choice of housemates was poor, all 30 and under, and there was a definite attempt to angle the series towards fans of The Only Way Is Essex and Geordie Shore. It did however have one of the most controversial winners in the show’s history, who actually left the house to boos, that wasn’t enough to make the preceding 9 weeks any better though.

Dishonourable Mentions: Survivor Redemption Island, Survivor South Pacific, I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

Best Hollywood Blockbuster

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (20th Century Fox)

An unnecessary remake with an overly long title. This shouldn’t have worked, but surprisingly it did, it more than worked. Rise of the Planet of the Apes was one of the most enjoyable blockbuster films of the year, it was well paced and plotted, and made you emotionally invest in the characters, and more importantly, in Caesar and the apes. Topped off by good performances from John Lithgow and James Franco, and Andy Serkis taking performance capture to new levels, it made Rise of the surprise hit of the summer.

Super 8 (Paramount Pictures)

E.T meets The Goonies by way of Cloverfield. J.J Abrams and Steven Spielberg team up in this tribute to classic 1980s action-adventure films, where the focus is on the children, innocence, coming of age, and all that malarkey. It’s all done very well, carefully detailed, brilliant action sequences, nicely threatening monster, and top performances from this young and largely unknown cast of kids. Super 8 really is super.

Hugo (Paramount Pictures)

At first glance you wouldn’t tell that Hugo is a Martin Scorsese movie, a big-budget, 3D, family film, but in fact, Scorsese has perhaps put more of himself in to this film than any other production he’s ever worked on. Hugo is a tribute to the movies, the artistry, the craftsmanship, the dedication, and Scorsese seems to have found a new lease on life with these new tools, he actually makes 3D look good!

Honourable Mentions: X-Men: First Class, Captain America.

Worst Hollywood Blockbluster

Red Riding Hood (Warner Bros. Pictures)

The story is so silly and over-the-top that if the script treated it as such it could have made a decent parody movie, but instead this film takes itself wholly seriously and therefore becomes beyond ridiculous. Amanda Seyfried is great, and will appear in this list again later, albeit for entirely different reasons, but the cast around her are just plain bad, even Gary Oldman, who gave one of the years best performances in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. It’s just a bad bad film.

The Hangover Part II (Warner Bros. Pictures)

The Hangover was the sleeper comedy hit of 2009, a surprisingly funny buddy movie, with a likable cast, and a neat concept. The Hangover 2, sorry Part II (What is this? The Godfather?), was a cash-in; hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, there have been plenty of cash-in movies that have still been good, some even great. But The Hangover Part II was just a carbon copy of the first, just more crude, raunchier, and less funny. The element of surprise that made the first film so enjoyable was gone, and instead it relied on lots of obvious gags and set-ups. Still, it made loads of cash, so look out for Part 3, 4, and 5 coming your way soon.

Sucker Punch (Warner Bros. Pictures)

Okay, so Zack Snyder’s action-fantasy thriller is visually stunning, both the women and the special effects, but that’s really about all you can say for the film in it’s defense. The story is barely existent, instead what you have is Hollywood’s take on a video game, with our skimpy-outfit wearing heroines battling through various levels of monsters and mad-men, to retrieve magic items. Zack Snyder has yet to make a great film, Watchmen was decent, his others border on average to awful - that’s why I’m scared about the Spiderman reboot.

Dishonourable Mentions: Battle: Los Angeles, Jack & Jill, Johnny English Reborn.

Best Mainstream Movie

Drive (FilmDistrict)

For a film about car chases there isn’t a whole lot of car-chasing, it is perhaps the most quiet and subdued action movie ever released, but all the better for it. It is aesthetically beautiful, the colour scheme and the location shots are perfect, and it features one of the best choreographed openings in a film for quite some time. Ryan Gosling continues his rise as the most talented young actor on the planet with his subtle performance, silent yet still charismatic, and Albert Brooks plays the perfect bad guy, and proves worthy of his Golden Globe nod. Amazing soundtrack too.

Moneyball (Columbia Pictures)

I know nothing about baseball, but you don’t really need to to enjoy this film, despite the technical terminology, it is really an underdog story about an underfunded, failing team that turns their fortune around by employing analytical, statistic based tactics. Based on the real-life story of Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane, what we have is The Social Network of baseball (the screenplay was co-written by Aaron Sorkin), not particularly concerned with what happens on the pitch, but focuses on the behind the scenes, the numbers, the strategy, and stats. Impressive performances from both Brad Pitt and a surprisingly understated Jonah Hill.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (StudioCanal)

Tomas Alfredson directed one of my favourite films of the last decade with Let The Right One In, so my own personal hype for this film was off the charts, and although TTSS is an entirely different kind of film, it is just as gripping. Based on the John le Carré novel of the same time, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is a story of espionage, paranoia, information and misinformation. It’s all very grey, dank, and dismal but it works perfectly within the setting of this film. It also features an all-star cast including Colin Firth, Benedict Cumberbatch, John Hurt, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, and Gary Oldman, turning in one of the best performances of the year.

Honourable Mentions: 50/50, Source Code, The Lincoln Lawyer.

Worst Mainstream Movie

The Rum Diary (FilmDistrict)

I think there was a decent story lurking somewhere in The Rum Diary, but it was unfortunately overshadowed by Johnny Depp doing a sub-Captain Jack performance, and a poorly handled romance storyline. The funniest bits of this film featured in the trailer, in fact, the only funny bits were in the trailer, the rest of the movie was just…boring.

Zookeeper (Columbia Pictures)

Kevin James talks to animals. Not as good as Doctor Dolittle. I would like to see Caesar from Rise of the Planet of the Apes kick that Adam Sandler gorilla to death.

Just Go With It (Columbia Pictures)

Adam Sandler being Adam Sandler. Jennifer Aniston being Jennifer Aniston. Crass, low-brow rom-com with little redeeming features.

Dishonourable Mentions: Hall Pass, Green Lantern, The Change-Up.

Best Indie Flick

Kill List (Optimum Releasing)

The most unsettling film of the year, Kill List is one of the best British horror films in quite some time. The entire feel of the film is just odd, like something isn’t quite right, despite the fairly banal scenery of suburban Sheffield and the British countryside, there is that fear of something sinister lurking beyond. The dialogue is real, the performances raw, and the story increasingly intense. It also features scenes of horrific violence, and one of the most uncomfortable dinner scenes ever committed to screen.

The Tree of Life (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Wow, what can you say about Terence Malik’s epic The Tree of Life? It certainly has its flaws, but its scope is so wide, and at times so life-affirming that it would be a disgrace not to include it in a list for best films of the year. Chronicling the origins and meaning of life through the childhood memories of a middle aged man who grew up in 1950s Texas, it is at its heart a film about family and how they shape you in to who you are today. But the story is also interspersed with the origins of the species and the creation of Earth. It’s a massive, bold, daring film.

Melancholia (Nordisk Film)

Melancholia tackles the dark subject of depression, an illness which director Lars von Trier himself has suffered with, and places it against the backdrop of the end of the world, as seen through the eyes of two sisters, Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg). Like The Tree of Life, it’s scope is huge, and it leaves a massive impression. The cinematography is breathtaking, and it even manages to get a great performance out of Kirsten Dunst. My full review of this film is available here: http://bit.ly/so8wew

Honourable Mentions: Snowtown, Submarine, Another Earth, Martha Marcy May Marlene.

Best Actress

Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene)

Making her feature film debut Elizabeth Olsen proves that there is acting talent somewhere in the Olsen family, and to think she nearly quit acting because of older sister Mary-Kate’s eating disorder back in 2004. In Martha Marcy May Marlene Olsen plays Martha, a young woman who escapes a cult and goes to live with her estranged sister and brother-in-law. Olsen portrays the damage and paranoia with great subtlety, sometimes she doesn’t even have to say a word, her facial reactions do the talking, her smile and her big round eyes displaying so much emotion.

Kirsten Dunst (Melancholia)

I’ve never been a big fan of Kirsten Dunst, although that is a lot to do with her film choices rather than her acting ability, as I do believe she is capable of turning in a great performance, and she certainly proved that point in Melancholia. Playing a woman suffering with depression, Dunst excels at displaying both the self-destructiveness and the emptiness of that illness. It really is a mesmerising performance.

Jessica Chastain (The Tree of Life)

If you ever wanted a true definition of the term “breakthrough year” then surely Jessica Chastain would follow it in the dictionary. What a year she has had! Astounding performances in The Help, The Debt, Take Shelter, Texas Killing Fields, and in Terrence Malik’s The Tree of Life. It’s the 1950s housewife that she plays in The Tree of Life that I find the most impressive, she brings a refined beauty, almost angelic quality to the character that plays off of Brad Pitt’s strict husband perfectly. If she doesn’t earn an Academy Award nod next year something is seriously wrong in the world.

Honourable Mentions: Charlotte Gainsbourg (Melancholia), Tilda Swinton (We Need To Talk About Kevin), Elle Fanning (Super 8).

Best Actor

Ryan Gosling (Drive)

Let’s face it, this year belonged to Ryan Gosling, there is a whole bunch of films I could have picked, starting right back at the beginning of the year with Blue Valentine, to comedy Crazy, Stupid, Love, or political thriller The Ides of March. Gosling is one of those rare actors that can totally transform with each character he plays, letting each performance stand alone, and his most impressive performance this year was as the unnamed driver in neo-noir thriller Drive, quiet and menacing, and enviously cool.

Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy)

Another quiet and brooding performance came from Gary Oldman in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I gave Oldman a bit of stick earlier for his part in Red Riding Hood, but it’s hard to hold that against him when he gave arguably one of the greatest performances of his career this year. Oldman brought rich detail and a silent ruthlessness to the character of George Smiley, previously played by Alec Guinness in the 1979 BBC series. Oldman did more than enough to make the character his own, and will hopefully be rewarded with an Oscar nod next year.

Brad Pitt (Moneyball)

It’s been a good year for Brad Pitt, I could have just as easily nominated him for his stern, authoritarian performance in The Tree of Life, but I chose to go with his more driven, enthusiastic portrayal of Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane in Moneyball. It’s one of Pitt’s finest performances, he brings an addictive determination to Beane that makes you want to root for him throughout the movie. Pitt has recently talked about giving up acting within the next three years, but while he is delivering performances like this I hope that isn’t the case.

Honourable Mentions: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (50/50), Neil Maskell (Kill List), Jonah Hill (Moneyball).

Now for the fun and slightly more superficial part of the list…

Best On-Screen Hotties

Amanda Seyfried (Red Riding Hood, In Time)

Tulisa Contostavlos (The X Factor)

Allison Miller (Terra Nova)

Honourable Mentions: Alison Brie (Community), Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene), Kelli Garner (Pan Am).

Best On-Screen Hunks

Ryan Gosling (Crazy Stupid Love, Drive, The Ides of March)

Joel McHale (Community)

James Franco (Your Highness, Rise of the Planet of the Apes)

Honourable Mentions: Joseph Gordon-Levitt (50/50), Timothy Olyphant (Justified, I Am Number Four).

Best Bad-Asses

Richard Harrow (Boardwalk Empire)

CM Punk (WWE)

Caesar (Rise of the Planet of the Apes)

Honourable Mentions: Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones), The Driver (Drive), Dr Julia Harris (Horrible Bosses).

Best Quotes

Horrible Bosses

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Attack The Block

The 50 Best Albums of 2011 (The Top 10)

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 18:02:00 +0000

And here we arrive at the Top 10, those albums that stood out to me the most this year and left a lasting impression…

30 - 11: http://thehippestkidsintown.tumblr.com/post/13870527027/the-50-best-albums-of-2011-30-11

50 - 31: http://thehippestkidsintown.tumblr.com/post/13833492797/the-50-best-albums-of-2011-50-31

10.

Artist: Black Lips
Album: Arabia Mountain
Label: Vice

Black Lips, often known more for their wild on-stage antics than their music, have arrived at their sixth full-length album with their youthful, carefree attitude in tact, but find their sound more refined by sometimes great/sometimes awful pop producer Mark Ronson. Fortunately, Ronson’s clean-up isn’t excessive, the animalistic yelps, rough guitars, and hectic drums are still prominent, they are just structured more tightly. The album runs at 16 tracks deep, and for the most part they are all worthy of their place, there are so many catchy hooks on this record it is a joy to listen to.

Modern Art by Black Lips on Grooveshark

Artist: Nerves Junior
Album: As Bright As Your Night Light
Label: sonaBLAST! Records

Perhaps the most overlooked album of 2011, Nerves Junior are an American indie-rock band dabbling in woozy, electronic, sub-pop, and in their debut album they prove to be masters of their domain. It’s an expansive album covering many genres but intricately structured, and impressive in it’s magnitude. Whether it be the intense pop of title track “As Bright As Your Night Light” or the more dark, down tempo of “In Absentia”, Nerves Junior excel at both, scary for a band on their debut record. If this band can keep up this quality in future releases they’ll be appearing in everyone’s end of the year lists.

As Bright As Your Night Light by Nerves Junior on Grooveshark

Artist: Metronomy
Album: The English Riviera
Label: Because Music

The sound of summer in South West England permeates The English Riviera, somewhat of a tribute to lead singer Joe Mount’s hometown of Totnes, Devon. The album opens with the squawking of seagulls, and you immediately know this is going to be different to previous Metronomy albums. The electro-dance has been traded in for scintillating synths and bouncy basslines. The album holds together surprisingly well despite it’s musical detours, and could easily argue it’s position for pop record of the year.

We Broke Free by Metronomy on Grooveshark

Artist: Ty Segall
Album: Goodbye Bread
Label: Drag City

Ty Segall is a member of at least five different groups and has just as many albums under his belt, but it’s his latest solo effort Goodbye Bread which feels the most complete and the most him. Taking on all duties, singing, guitar, and drums, Segall has created a brief (run-time just under 34 minutes) yet impressive album of do-it-yourself, garage-psych rock. It maintains the grungy feel of his earlier releases, but is more focused and assured, his lyrics laced with an acerbic wit. There’s a definite T-Rex and The Beatles influence throughout, Segall is particularly enamoured with John Lennon-like vocal effects, and he puts them to good use throughout the album. It’s Ty Segall’s best album, and the most exciting thing is, it feels like there is so much more to come, and at only 23 years old he’s got his whole career ahead of him, especially now that he’s quit his day job.

My Head Explodes by Ty Segall on Grooveshark

Artist: Kendrick Lamar
Album: Section 80
Label: Top Dawg Entertainment

This 24 year old Compton native has put out an album more accomplished than most recent hip hop greats. Lyrically Lamar is untouchable, he’s soft-spoken and smooth, but conscious in his lyrics, creating a vision of LA that isn’t strictly gangs and gun-crime. His songs have a personal touch, a message if you will, and the album as a whole meshes together perfectly. The production comes from various sources but follows a stripped-back, jazz influenced structure, lots of horns and organs, which suits Lamar’s style. This is the album that grew on me the most this year, I didn’t initially realise just how impressive it was, but now every track is unskippable. Lamar is a young rapper but wise beyond his years.

Keisha’s Song (Her Pain) (Feat. Ashtro Bot) by Kendrick lamar on Grooveshark

Artist: Lykke Li
Album: Wounded Rhymes
Label: LL

Since her 2008 debut Youth Novels, Lykke Li has matured, she has suffered break-ups, and grown ever so slightly bitter. Her lyrical content if often dark and cynical but it isn’t a sad album, the beats are melodic and the percussion is BIG! There are songs that could easily become great pop records “Get Some” and “Youth Knows No Pain”, and also songs that wouldn’t have seemed out place being sung by Twin Peaks era Julee Cruise “Unrequited Love”.

Get Some by Lykke Li on Grooveshark

Artist: Beastie Boys
Album: Hot Sauce Committee Part Two
Label: Capitol

Hot Sauce was an album that had been in the working for a long time, delayed due to Adam “MCA” Yauch’s throat cancer, but the wait was well worth it because the Beasties came back with an album just as strong as their early releases. I’ve loved a lot of albums this year but none have provided as much pure joy as this one, it’s loud, funky, punky, just straight up Beastie Boys lunacy. The effort that went in to the videos for “Make Some Noise” and “Don’t Play No Games That I Can’t Win” were also continued proof that the Beasties create the best music videos around. I wrote a full review of this album for my blog: http://thehippestkidsintown.tumblr.com/post/5046223813/beastie-boys-hot-sauce-committee-part-2-review

Say It by Beastie Boys on Grooveshark

Artist: tUnE-yArDs
Album: w h o k i l l
Label: 4AD

Merrill Garbus wins the award for most original album of the year with her experimental solo-project tUnE-yArDs. A colourful combination of blues, folk, hip-hop, and white-trash funk. The studio meets lo-fi production is often abrasive and scratchy, but addictive. But it’s Garbus’ voice itself that is the most interesting element of the album, she could clearly belt out a classic ballad if she wanted to, but instead she takes her vocals to some intriguing places, sometimes sweet and innocent, next moment wild and impassioned.

Gangsta by tUnE-yArDs on Grooveshark

2.

Artist: The Roots
Album: Undun
Label: Def Jam

It’s surprising to think that The Roots haven’t done a concept album before, it seems like something so obvious given Black Thought’s incredible story-telling skills. Undun, their 13th studio album, tells the story of Redford, a fictional character that falls in to a life of street crime. Running at 38 minutes, there isn’t a second spared in this cinematic like album. It’s a meticulous project, it’s reported that verses were re-written several times, even by the feature artists, and ?uestlove’s instrumentation was likewise re-done until perfection, and let’s just say, this is as close as perfection you can get, on The Roots best album since Game Theory.

Tip The Scale by The Roots on Grooveshark

Artist: PJ Harvey
Album: Let England Shake
Label: Island/Vagrant

There are albums, and then there are albums. While many albums sound great as a collection of songs, PJ Harvey’s Let England Shake is a complete body of work, constructed with thematic purpose, and a consistent sound. It is an exploration of what it means to be English, wry, angry, and thoughtful. War is a recurring topic, specifically Gallipoli and WW1, but also glancing a symbolic eye over recent struggles. But don’t let the themes suggest that this is in any way a depressing album, musically Harvey is at her most inventive, the melodies are instantly catchy, laden with echoing guitars, electric pianos, and off-kilter trumpets, this is probably the closest Harvey has ever come to a pop record. The lyrical content is a stark juxtaposition to the plucky instrumentation, but they work so beautifully well together, perhaps due to the delivery of Harvey’s voice, often cold and ambivalent, letting the words linger long after the music has stopped playing. Let England Shake is not only the best of album of 2011, it is one of the best albums of the last decade.

Let England Shake by PJ Harvey on Grooveshark

The 50 Best Albums of 2011 (30 - 11)

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:35:00 +0000

On we go with the 50 Best Albums of 2011 list, as we countdown 30 - 11, revealing those that just missed out on a spot in the Top 10…

50 - 31: http://thehippestkidsintown.tumblr.com/post/13833492797/the-50-best-albums-of-2011-50-31

30.

Artist: Noel Gallagher
Album: Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
Label: Sour Mash

While Beady Eye try and sound like Oasis but lack the song-writing skills and the irresistible tunes that made Oasis popular, Noel does what Noel does best, making melody heavy, chant along music that his fans have eaten up for years. What gives the album a different flavour from a typical Oasis album is Noel’s voice, softer than Liam’s aggressive whine, it provides just enough of a spin for the record to stand apart from Oasis classics. It’s simple, but that’s the way we like it.

The Death Of You And Me by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - on Grooveshark

29.

Artist: Pharoahe Monch
Album: W.A.R (We Are Renegades)
Label: Duck Down Music

Undeniably one of the best lyricists in the game, Pharoahe Monch only has two previous solo albums under his belt, the classic Internal Affairs, and 2007’s decent follow-up Desire. Monch returns with his third LP with a ferocity and passion like never before, hitting listeners with cleverly worded rhymes of political and social commentary. For Monch it is clearly about quality over quantity.

Calculated Amalgamation [Explicit] by Pharoahe Monch on Grooveshark

28.

Artist: The Kills
Album: Blood Pressures
Label: Domino Records

The Head and the Heart featured earlier on the list, think of The Kills as the greasy, cigarette smoking, punk versions of The Head and the Heart. Jamie Hince and Alison Mosshart bring their grainy, scratchy, angry indie-rock to their fourth album Blood Pressures, and it sounds as good as ever. Hince strums his guitar with fiery passion, whilst Mosshart’s vocals have a devilish charm to them.

Satellite by The Kills on Grooveshark

27.

Artist: Blu
Album: NoYork!
Label: Warner Brothers Records

Warner Brothers Records and Blu don’t get along, which lead to him personally handing out copies of NoYork! at Rock The Bells earlier this year. NoYork! is Blu taking everything he knows and twisting it on its head, his previous work with the likes of Exile has been very jazz orientated, chilled production with a smooth vintage hip hop sound, but here Blu takes those jazz sounds and flips them, they are still prevalent but they are now distorted with blips and chops, the electro inspired beats are often chaotic and pounding, “noise” as some pure hip hop heads would call it.

E V E R Y T H I N G O K (F E A T J A C K D A V E Y) . by Blu on Grooveshark

26.

Artist: M83
Album: Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
Label: Naive

French musician Anthony Gonzalez returns with his decade old outfit M83 to bring us his self-confessed “epic”. Epic is a word that has always followed the music of M83, but on Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming, the massive sound-scape is pushed to even further levels. It’s a double album of electronic, synth-pop, over the top and adventurous, where even the slight dips are interesting.

Midnight City by M83 on Grooveshark

25.

Artist: Jay Z and Kanye West
Album: Watch The Throne
Label: Roc-A-Fella

There was a lot of hype about this collaboration, and while not quite up there with Mr West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, which swept up a lot of album of the year top spots last year, it is still a BIG album, flamboyant, obtrusive, and full of egotism. This album moved up my list after hearing the bootleg of the Watch The Throne tour, hearing these songs live highlights the sense of fun both Jay and Kanye had making this music, and that shines through on the album.

Gotta Have It by Jay-Z & Kanye West on Grooveshark

24.

Artist: Kate Bush
Album: 50 Words For Snow
Label: Fish People

Just for sheer ambition alone 50 Words For Snow deserves a place on the list. Kate Bush returns with her first album of new material since 2005’s Ariel. A magnificent concept album about snow, of all things, Bush conjures up images of winter loneliness, but also the beauty of those cold, dark nights. This isn’t background music, it requires time and dedication, there is so much going on musically and vocally.

Snowflakes by Kate Bush on Grooveshark

23.

Artist: St. Vincent
Album: Strange Mercy
Label: 4AD

Annie Clark gets dark. This album follows a similar thematic shift to Lykke Li’s Wounded Rhymes (still to come), both artists take that hurt and ugliness that there were mere hints of in previous releases, and totally embody it in their latest records. Clark loses most of her orchestral sound on Strange Mercy, adopting a more traditional rock sound, which adds to the rough-and-ready approach of Clark’s voice and lyrics.

Cheerleader by St Vincent on Grooveshark

22.

Artist: Mister Heavenly
Album: Out of Love
Label: Sub Pop

Indie-rock supergroups can be hard to get right, but here the combined talents of Man Man frontman Ryan Kattner, Islands leader Nick Thornburn, and Modest Mouse drummer Joe Plummer, work together to bring a mostly upbeat, pop-rock album, with a sound they like to call “doom-wop”. Is it one of the most sophisticated albums of the year? Nope, but it is one of the most enjoyable.

Harm You by Mister Heavenly on Grooveshark

21.

Artist: Childish Gambino
Album: Camp
Label: Glassnote

Childish Gambino is better known as Donald Glover (aka Troy Barnes from the excellent Community). Gambino is his rap alter-ego, and Camp is his first official label release and it is a solid effort, if not slightly inconsistent in tone, although I find that adds to the theme of insecurity and identity issues. The production on this album is very good, definitely inspired by Kanye West, lots of horns, strings, orchestral chanting. I wrote a full review here: http://thehippestkidsintown.tumblr.com/post/12840259415/childish-gambino-camp-review

Backpackers by Childish Gambino on Grooveshark

20.

Artist: The Weeknd
Album: House of Balloons
Label: XO

If you thought Bruno Mars released the best RnB album of the year, then firstly, you seriously need to question your music tastes, and secondly, you must not have heard of The Weeknd. 21 year old Abel Tesfaye aka The Weeknd follows in the footsteps of contemporaries such as Drake, The-Dream, and Frank Ocean, but where they differ is in sound and atmosphere, House of Balloons is full of odd sample choices, from Beach House to Siouxsie and the Banshees, and The Weeknd makes them work with an admirable confidence.

Wicked Games by The Weeknd on Grooveshark

19.

Artist: Katy B
Album: On A Mission
Label: Rinse

You couldn’t blame Katy B if she simply recreated a bunch of “On A Mission” sound-a-likes for her debut album, having a hit single on your hands it would be easy to continue with what brought you to the dance, so to speak. But instead Katy B uses her album to show off her skills as the next potentially great British female singer-songwriter, covering everything from garage, dubstep, house and RnB, and it just so happens that each song is just as catchy as “On A Mission”.

Dissapear by Katy B on Grooveshark

18.

Artist: Frank Turner
Album: England Keep My Bones
Label: Xtra Mile Recordings

It’s this years equivalent of Anais Mitchell’s Hadestown, an album I raved about last year. I compare the two because they both seem like theatrical productions in music form. Here, Frank Turner strums his acoustic guitar to the theme of Shakespearean mortality and Englishness, creating an insightful yet fun album.

Glory Hallelujah by Frank Turner on Grooveshark

17.

Artist: Shabazz Palaces
Album: Black Up
Label: Sub Pop

Shabazz Palaces falls in to the category of what I like to call “futuristic hip-hop”, and Black Up is the natural predecessor to albums such as 3030 by Deltron, not specifically in subject matter, but in sound and atmosphere. The emcee rapping over these fragmented, choppy, sci-fi beats is Ishmael “Butterfly” Butler, formerly of 1990s rap trio Digable Planets. Black Up is not your usual verse-chorus-verse rap album, you could probably tell by reading the track titles. It doesn’t sound like the typical rap album either, it’s influences stretch beyond a James Brown horn sample, it’s still funky but it’s also electronic, industrial, and robotic.

Swerve… The reeping of all that is worthwhile (Noir not withstanding) by Shabazz Palaces on Grooveshark

16.

Artist: Grieves
Album: Together/Apart
Label: Rhymesayers Entertainment

Is this “emo-rap”? Probably, but if it is then it’s an example of “emo-rap” done right. Grieves, a punk-kid (in the literal sense) from Seattle brings an open heart and a sense of realness on his Rhymesayers debut, with his stories of broken relationships and addiction. Grieves is a truthful rapper, his lyrics raw and his singing laid bare, used to great effect over the sparse, largely sample-free beats.

Bloody Poetry by Grieves on Grooveshark

15.

Artist: Feist
Album: Metals
Label: Arts & Crafts Productions

Leslie Feist, probably best known for her 2007 hit single “1234”, drops the poppy chirpiness and returns to her alternative folky roots on her latest album Metals. Taking risks is clearly something Feist loves to do, and it pays off on this record, as Feist shows off her impressive vocal range over a wide variety of bluesy instrumentation.

How Come You Never Go There by Feist on Grooveshark

14.

Artist: The Cool Kids
Album: When Fish Ride Bicycles
Label: Green Label Sound

Chuck Inglish and Mikey Rocks are just what it says on the tin…”cool”. After releasing a flurry of mixtapes over the past few years, The Cool Kids finally release their official debut album and it is everything you could hope for from a Cool Kids record. Lots of bass, pulsating synths, and hard-hitting drum loops. Their style and content is strictly old school, tag-team rapping about vintage cars, women, basketball players, and clothes, and making it sound so effortlessly fresh.

Penny Hardaway (featuring Ghostface Killah) by The Cool Kids on Grooveshark

13.

Artist: Girls
Album: Father, Son, Holy Ghost
Label: True Panther Sounds

The San Francisco indie-rock group return with their sophomore album and a whole lot of confidence. Christopher Owen’s voice still has the fragile yet warm texture, which adds great effect to the songs about socially awkward tales of love and lust, at times reaching in to Belle & Sebastian territory. “We’re all going to die!”, Owens screams over the psychedelic “Die”, a fact that is a little more easy to digest now that this album is in the world.

Honey Bunny by Girls on Grooveshark

12.

Artist: EMA
Album: Past Life Martyred Saints
Label: Souterrain Transmissions

“F**k California, you made me boring”, Erika M Anderson anguishes on her debut album of pain stricken noise rock. But boring this album certainly isn’t, EMA approaches the record like she is already an alt-rock icon, her lyrics come with a bite, and her folksy drone brings an original sound to the acoustic lo-fi production.

California by EMA on Grooveshark

11.

Artist: Buck 65
Album: 20 Odd Years
Label: WEA

You either get on with Richard Terfry’s gravelly, rough, Tom Waits of hip-hop voice, or you don’t. If you are a Buck 65 fan then 20 Odd Years is not only one of the best albums of the year, but one of Buck 65’s best records ever. After a career spanning 20 years (hence the album title), this Canadian outcast still knows how to conjure up images of freaks and weirdos in his unique tales of love, hurt, and heartache.

Gee Whiz (Feat. Nick Thorburn) by Buck 65 on Grooveshark

The 50 Best Albums of 2011 (50 - 31)

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:46:00 +0000

Everyone else is doing a list, and I want to join in the fun! On the whole, 2011 has been a good year for music, overall I’d say there was more new music released this year that I’ve enjoyed compared to that released in 2010. It’s been a big year for woozy, lo-fi, noise-pop, with an electronic influence crossing over to everything from country to hip hop. It has also been the year for artists discovering their dark sides, showing signs of maturity and wisdom in their music. As far as mainstream music goes there hasn’t been anything that inspiring, there was Adele and Florence & The Machine for those that enjoy that kind of stuff, and Lady GaGa continued to grab headlines with her extravagance.

But in the age of the internet, when music from all corners of the globe is easier to get a hold of than ever before, it is near impossible to have a truly bad year of music. With downloads, iTunes, torrents, festivals, blogs, and the increased use of social networking, it takes almost zero effort to come in to contact with new music, you don’t just have to settle for what is force fed to you on Radio 1.

With that said, this is my personal 50 Best Albums of the year. Remember, this is just my opinion, and while I like to think I know what I’m talking about when it comes to music, and my tastes are pretty wide-reaching that I believe I can tell good music from bad music, there is bound to be stuff in here that you don’t agree with, or that you think deserves to be higher up the list, and I’m sure there is stuff that I’ve completely missed out all together. After a lot of deliberation however, these are the 50 albums that I enjoyed the most in 2011…

50.

Artist: The Head and the Heart
Album: The Head and the Heart
Label: Sub Pop

Seattle based folk-pop outfit The Head and the Heart managed to sell 10,000 copies of their self-funded album off their own back, simply by doing lots of gigs and spreading the word. It earned them a record deal with Sub Pop and a re-issue of that very album. Is their music groundbreaking? No, but it is earnest and heartfelt, and shows plenty of promise for the future of this group.

Ghosts by The Head and the Heart on Grooveshark

49.

Artist: Those Darlins
Album: Screws Get Loose
Label: Oh Wow Dang

Those Darlins step even further away from the novelty country act tag. This former Tennessee trio (now quartet, picking up a male drummer), of wild-child, proud white-trash girls, find their inner Joan Jett and create a highly entertaining punk-rock album on Screws Get Loose. There is still a slight country twang hiding somewhere in this record, but for the most part this is more Go-Go’s than Patsy Cline.

Screws Get Loose by Those Darlins on Grooveshark

48.

Artist: Bright Eyes
Album: The People’s Key
Label: Saddle Creek

This is the first ever Bright Eyes album I’ve listened to, I’m sure they’ve produced better records than this one, and worse, but as my first introduction to Bright Eyes The People’s Key certainly grabbed my attention. It’s a lot more electrified than I was expecting, almost sci-fi in tone, and from what I’ve gathered this is a bit of a new venture for Conor Oberst and his band, but one that works as far as my ears are concerned.

Shell Games by Bright Eyes on Grooveshark

47.

Artist: Bill Callahan
Album: Apocalypse
Label: Drag City

There is a rustic, wild west feel to Bill Callahan’s latest release Apocalypse, images of buffalos, cowboys, and cattle come to mind. Like many artists this year, Callahan has taken a slightly darker, contemplative turn, delivering a distinct sound and mood to his latest record. His voice is as rich as ever, powering over the modest guitar and flute arrangements.

America! by Bill Callahan on Grooveshark

46.

Artist: WU LYF
Album: Go Tell Fire To The Mountain
Label: LYF

World Unite Lucifer Youth Foundation, to give them their full title, spent the previous year clouding themselves in an air of mystery, dodging interviews, and wearing masks. Now all is revealed, and what we have is a bunch of Mancunian blokes, nothing spectacular, but it’s the music that counts right? And their loud, gruff debut album, recorded in a church nonetheless, is worthy of the hype surrounding WU LYF.

We Bros by Wu Lyf on Grooveshark

45.

Artist: Kimbra
Album: Vows
Label: Warner Brothers Records

There had to be room for one all out pop album on the list, and it was between this and Nicola Robert’s Cinderella Eyes, but Vows has the edge as it takes more risks. There is such a varied array of styles going on on this album, from the radio friendly pop of “Settle Down” and “Cameo Lover”, to the more introspective “Call Me” and “Wandering Limbs”. Kimbra herself has such a versatile vocal range, from cheeky to heartbreaking.

Settle Down by Kimbra on Grooveshark

44.

Artist: Jonti
Album: Twirligig
Label: Stones Throw

Jonti Danilewitz has worked with the likes of Mark Ronson and Santogold, but here in his first full-length debut album Jonti has made a record that is totally and undoubtedly his. The songs on this album at times sound haphazardly thrown together, little bursts of inspiration that drift off in to something completely absurd, but I think that is part of the intention. It is a perplexing record but pleasantly refreshing.

Firework Spraying Moon by Jonti on Grooveshark

43.

Artist: Clams Casino
Album: Instrumentals
Label: Self-released

Perhaps better known as the producer for internet-hype rappers Lil B and A$AP Rocky, Clams Casino earlier this year released for free an album of his moody, peculiar, ghost-like instrumentals. Clams beats are synth heavy, and are often interjected with various vocal samples, from Bjork to Janelle Monae. This is more than an album of hip hop instrumentals, this is mood music, often dark and gothic, and lacking the need of an emcee.

Realist Alive [Lil B] by Clams Casino on Grooveshark

42.

Artist: Real Estate
Album: Days
Label: Domino Records

You could call Days a coming of age album, a reflective, nostalgic record by the trio of New Jersey born friends that call themselves Real Estate. It’s such an easygoing, at times dream-like album, that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, in a good way. And “I’m Real” is arguably the best pop song of the year.

It’s Real by Real Estate on Grooveshark

41.

Artist: Willie Evans Jr.
Album: Introducin’
Label: High Water Music

If Willie just released this as an instrumental album it would have been impressive enough, but the fact that he is also a pretty decent rapper too makes it even more so. On Introducin’ Willie shows off his skills as producer and emcee, his beats reminiscent of Madlib, and his voice eerily similar to MF DOOM’s, not bad as far as comparisons go.

Fisbawdup by Willie Evans Jr. on Grooveshark

40.

Artist: Yuck
Album: Yuck
Label: Fat Possum Records

At times Yuck’s self-titled debut album sounds like a tribute to the late 80s, specifically the post-hardcore scene, with the DIY attitude of a Fugazi, and the bombastic energy of a Dinosaur Jr. But as far as tribute’s go, this is up there with the best of them, this record contains some great pop-rock and plenty of catchy guitar riffs.

Get Away by Yuck on Grooveshark

39.

Artist: The Felice Brothers
Album: Celebration, Florida
Label: Fat Possum Records

Taking it’s name after the Disney-built new town, Celebration, Florida is The Truman Show in music form, normal life isn’t quite right, there is something murky bubbling underneath. The Felice Brothers are often held up against Bob Dylan, due to their rootsy, folk tunes and nasal voices, but here they broaden their influences, bringing in everything from electric to children’s choirs.

Fire At The Pageant by The Felice Brothers on Grooveshark

38.

Artist: Anna Calvi
Album: Anna Calvi
Label: Domino Records

On her self-titled debut Anna Calvi proves to be the opposite of fellow English songstress Florence Welch, rather than belting out massive notes, Calvi’s voice is much more subtle and sexy, allowing words to linger in the air. Comparisons could be drawn to another female singer-songwriter who has had a fantastic 2011, PJ Harvey, this album itself co-produced by long-time PJ Harvey producer Rob Ellis.

No More Words by Anna Calvi on Grooveshark

37.

Artist: Bad Meets Evil
Album: Hell: The Sequel
Label: Shady Records

After falling out and spending years not talking, Detroit rap veterans Eminem and Royce Da ‘59 reunite for this brand new EP, although at 9 tracks deep it runs like a complete album. Eminem and Royce clearly bring the best out of each other as they trade bars, and show just why “Bad Meets Evil” was such a stand-out track from The Slim Shady LP. This is two emcees at the top of their game, and a return to form for Eminem.

Living Proof by Eminem on Grooveshark

36.

Artist: David Lynch
Album: Crazy Clown Time
Label: Sunday Best Recordings

As much as I just want David Lynch to stop messing about and make another film already, I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised by his journey in to music. Crazy Clown Time manages to capture that something normal meets something odd aspect of Lynch’s movies, eerie and unsettling. For the most part it is Lynch doing his best Angelo Badalementi (the mastermind behind the best Lynch movie soundtracks) impression, but it is one he does very well.

So Glad by David Lynch on Grooveshark

35.

Artist: SBTRKT
Album: SBTRKT
Label: Young Turks

The man behind the mask best known for his remixes of the likes of Basement Jaxx and M.I.A, drops his debut album and puts his own music at the forefront. The slickly produced beats of 808 drum loops and heavy bass are accompanied by crisp guest vocals from the likes of Sampha and Jessie Ware, broken up with bleeps, claps, and squeaks.

Wildfire by Sbtrkt on Grooveshark

34.

Artist: Frank Ocean
Album: Nostalgia, Ultra
Label: Self-released

Island Def Jam didn’t know what to do with Frank Ocean or his musical output, so Ocean decided to release his album Nostalgia, Ultra himself earlier this year, with the backing of now infamous rap collective Odd Future. Since then Ocean’s name has sky-rocketed in the music industry, earning plaudits from critics, and got the biggest of mainstream artists clambering over themselves to work with him. This album is dark, self-aware, introspective RnB from an artist brimming with potential.

novacane by Frank Ocean on Grooveshark

33.

Artist: Bon Iver
Album: Bon Iver
Label: Jagjaguwar

While the fantastic debut For Emma, Forever Go was the result of Justin Vernon hibernating in his Wisconsin cabin for three months, the band’s self-titled follow up sounds like Vernon has finally left that cabin to take in the world around him. The songs here take on a broader scope, drifting beyond the theme of loss, and attempting to escape. What remains the same however, is Vernon’s soft, gorgeous voice, unlike anyone else currently on the music scene.

Holocene by Bon Iver on Grooveshark

32.

Artist: Danny Brown
Album: XXX
Label: Fool’s Gold

With his high-pitched voice, skinny jeans, and emo haircut, Danny Brown isn’t what you typically expect from a rapper, especially not one native to Detroit. Brown swims in a sea of depravity, and XXX is clearly the result of too much glue-sniffing at an early age, but Brown is inventive, witty, and unafraid of breaking the rules, which is what makes this record so compelling.

Die Like A Rockstar by Danny Brown on Grooveshark

31.

Artist: Slow Club
Album: Paradise
Label: Moshi Moshi

Charles Watson and Rebecca Taylor are Slow Club, a folk-rock duo from Sheffield, England, and like many other artists featured in the Top 50, they have shown a maturity that lacked in previous releases. Paradise, for the most part, does away with the vocal harmonies, instead putting the spotlight on Taylor’s voice, while Watson focuses on his guitar playing, it’s a choice that proves successful. The song writing skills on display here are impressive, heartfelt but not overly sentimental.

Two Cousins by Slow Club on Grooveshark

Childish Gambino - Camp Review

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:14:00 +0000

-Renaissance man a present-day man who has acquired profound knowledge or proficiency in more than one field.

-Childish Gambino see above

Is there anyone at the moment that is having as much success in multiple entertainment genres as Donald Glover? Best known for his role as Troy Barnes in the hilarious, award-winning sitcom Community, Glover is also an accomplished writer, with credits on The Daily Show and 30 Rock, he is part of the sketch comedy group Derrick Comedy, a stand-up comedian, DJ, and has movie roles in the pipe-line. Glover even inspired a Twitter campaign from fans for him to be allowed to audition for the role of Spiderman in the upcoming re-boot The Amazing Spiderman, #donald4spiderman even gained support from Stan Lee.

And as if that wasn’t enough Glover also raps under the moniker Childish Gambino. Gambino isn’t a new invention, Glover has been releasing mixtapes and free albums under the Childish Gambino name for a few years now, but Camp is his first official label release on Glassnote Records. Glover is certainly a jack-of-all-trades, but the question is, is he a master of all or a master of none?

“And every black “you’re not black enough”/Is a white “you’re all the same.”“

Camp, much like Glover himself, is trying to be a lot of things, the songs vary from your typical braggadocious raps, slick RnB laments, self-aware story-telling, and Lil Wayne inspired punchline frenzies. If the album suffers from an identity crisis, then it’s only because Glover does himself. With the back-drop of a childhood summer camp, the recurring theme in Gambino’s lyrics is his disconnection from “black culture”, and his almost apologetic tone when referring to his escape from the ghetto in to American suburbia. “I am not a rapper, I am just different,” was his motto in previous releases, and that ideology continues throughout Camp.

The opening track “Outside” begins the album on an orchestral vibe, the beat is very Kanye West, in fact it reminds me of the opening to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, it has that big, anthemic feel. Gambino tackles the very nature of self-identity, as he raps about his parents struggle to move him out of the ghetto, and his awkward relationship with his cousin, who has clearly taken a different path in life. It’s a deeply personal song, with a catchy, around-the-camp-fire sing-along chorus, and provides a strong start to the album.

“My dick is like an accent mark, it’s all about the over Es.”

Now, it’s a shame for an album to go off course as early as the second track, but “Fire Fly” just doesn’t work for me. It has a chilled out, vintage funk sound, and it would have been perfectly fine as a mixtape track, but as the second song on your debut album it needs to be a lot stronger, and it comes off as a bit of a nothing track. Thankfully, in the age of iTunes, you can pretty much make up your own track-listing, so I’ve personally chosen to swap “Fire Fly” for “Freaks and Geeks”, the popular track from Gambino’s EP released earlier this year.

“Bonfire” comes next and is the albums lead single, now this is what I mean about coming strong. This is a thumping, grimy, bass lead track, very Kanye West “Power”, I often have to hold my self back from singing “I’m living in that 21st century…”, before Gambino starts his first verse. Gambino shows off his skills as a witty punch-line artist, “I made the beat retarded, so I’m calling it a slow-jam,” and he proves he has the flow of a true hip-hop pro, this isn’t no Will Smith stuff (I admittedly and unapologetically own two Will Smith albums, and not even the semi-good ones!).

“Is there room in the game for a lame who rhymes? Who wears short-shorts and makes jokes sometimes?”

“All The Shine” is another big track, with its sweeping strings and powerful chorus, Gambino raps about his rise to fame, how he fits (or doesn’t fit) in to the rap game and how others perceive him, including his own Mother. “What’s the point of rap if you can’t be yourself, huh?”. Gambino takes on that mantra, he is unapologetically nerdy, the album is littered with obscure references from Invader Zim to Sufjan Stevens, and taps in to a niche market of hip hop outsiders in both black and white culture.

“Letter Home” demonstrates Gambino’s vocal ability, yes, he can sing too, and has a much wider vocal range than Drake, another comparison artist, who also has an album out this week. It certainly isn’t my favourite track on the album, but it is short enough to not bother me, and acts more as an interlude than a complete song.

“Change my ID for the cops, it’s not enough yet. Black male in short-shorts, I’m double suspect.”

“Heartbeat” continues the albums RnB turn but with an electronica edge, with a massive, pulsating synth bass, accompanied by a classical piano. This could easily be a big club track, if Gambino wanted it to be. It isn’t covering any new ground lyrically, but it accomplishes what it sets out to do, and is proof of Gambino’s improving production skills.

“Backpackers” is definitely an album stand-out, a bouncy, horn-infused beat with Gambino going hard at his detractors. It’s another sign of Donald Glover’s identity crisis, as he tries to distance himself from the “backpacker rapper” label, yet when he’s referencing trigonometry and Radiohead he must realise that he’s boxing himself in, unless the entire thing is tongue-in-cheek, which judging by the chorus it very well may be.

“Culture shocks at barber shops because I ain’t hood enough. We all look the same to the cops, ain’t that good enough?”

More addictive strings sway through “L.E.S”, without a doubt proving that Gambino is right up there with J.Cole in the rapper/producer market. Gambino raps about wanting to hook up with a bad girl for some dirty bathroom action in the Lower East Side. Again, much like “Heartbeat”, this isn’t the most lyrically provoking track on the album, but it’s crisp production will have you coming back.

“Hold You Down”, a piano lead track with a clap along drum pattern, returns to the thematic strand of the album: “black culture”, identity, and stereotypes. Gambino raps about how he feels ostracised from certain parts of the black community, judged unfairly because he broke away from stereotype and can’t relate to the “hood”. But he is conflicted because he doesn’t fit in with “white culture” either, “Cause God knows what these white kids saying/Dude, you’re not not racist because The Wire’s in your Netflix queue - subtle racism.” There is a fear that it borders on becoming a little whiny, especially when compared to many topics covered throughout hip hop by those “hood” rappers Gambino talks about, but it’s what makes Donald Glover such a complex person.

“I won’t stop until they say James Franco is the white Donald Glover.”

“Kids (Keep Up)” is another chilled out beat, the backing xylophone making it almost nursery rhyme like, but it works for me much more than “Fire Fly”, Gambino’s vocals work well on the hook, and he raps about how his sudden fame has brought him success with women who previously didn’t look twice. It’s the braggadocio side of Gambino shining through, some may argue it takes away from his vulnerability shown in previous tracks, but I believe it makes Gambino and in turn Donald Glover a fully-fleshed, three-dimensional human being.

“You See Me” goes hard, and is the start of the barrage of greatness that the last three tracks provide. The production is minimal but loud, interspersed with pounding horns, this is Gambino’s tribute song to Asian girls, which those familiar with his previous work will know he has a fascination/obsession with, “Fuck these white girls, I need some variation. Especially if she very Asian.” There is a definite Watch The Throne influence here, it’s childlike glee reminds me of Jay and Ye’s “Niggas In Paris.” The highlight of the track however is Gambino’s last verse, his flow speeds up and its as if he is channeling late 90s Eminem.

“My shit be Jackson, Jordan, Bolton, Keaten, Tyson: 5 Mikes.”

“Sunrise” continues the momentum of “You See Me” with loud synths, big drums, and a fierce Gambino slowly starting to accept his place in hip hop, and happily carving out his own niche. “To my white dudes it’s a concert/To my black nerds this is church.” His self-awareness shines through, as he tries to put his identity issues to the side, and make music for those outsiders, “Something for these black kids to call their own/So when you’re skating in your drive-way, you’re not alone.”

“That Power” is again Kanye West in tone, but Gambino does it so well at this point you just accept it. Here he is finally letting go of his insecurities, “I am what I am, everything I want to be,” and forgetting his “haters”. It’s the outro of the track however that hits home the hardest, Gambino delivers a spoken word recollection of his bus trip home from summer camp in which he opened his heart up to a girl about how much he liked her, only to be abandoned and then mocked and laughed at by her and her friends. It’s not a bitter story, it is just a story about childhood and insecurity, and that insecurity can continue in to adult life, as demonstrated throughout Camp, “I got on the bus a boy, and I never got off the bus, I still haven’t. It’s brilliantly told, and I would have liked to hear a couple more of these monologues throughout the album.

Camp is an impressively produced, addictive album about a boy living in a man’s world, still riddled with insecurities and identity issues, which simultaneously act as flaws and positives for the album as a whole. There are a couple of misses along the way, perhaps an over reliance on dick jokes, and a conflicted sense of environment. The influences from contemporaries such as Kanye West, Drake and Lil Wayne are obvious, but Childish Gambino adopts their traits with a confidence and an unabashed flourish. His witticisms and lyrical ability are cleverer than Wayne’s, his singing is better than Drake’s, and his knack for self-aware, soul-searching story-telling is at least comparable with Kanye’s.

Donald Glover is without doubt one of the most impressive young talents in the world of entertainment, a super talented actor and comedian, and as his debut album proves, an equally gifted musician and rapper. NBC may have just dropped Community from the mid-season schedules, but I can assure you, nobody is dropping Childish Gambino.

Buy the album at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Camp-Childish-Gambino/dp/B005ZBBKGC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321469260&sr=8-1

by Martin Holmes

Melancholia - An Art-House Disaster Movie

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:42:00 +0000

Let’s get one thing straight, Melancholia is a disaster movie, although that doesn’t mean you’ll find it sharing shelf-space with 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow in HMV - Melancholia is an art-house disaster movie. Sound pretentious? Well, it is pretentious, and indulgent, it’s typical Lars Von Trier (Dogville, Antichrist), but it’s also beautiful and poignant.

The film shares thematic space with Archipelago and The Tree of Life, two other films released in 2011 that I like to call “landscape epics”, films that derive meaning and symbolism through the use of nature and breathtaking scenery. The Tree of Life sits at the far end of the scale, Terence Malik’s scope so wide-reaching and huge in proportion, whereas Archipelago rests at the other end, Joanna Hogg’s story more focused and detailed. Melancholia falls somewhere in the middle.

Melancholia tackles the dark subject of depression, an illness which Von Trier himself has suffered with, and places it against the backdrop of the end of the world, as seen through the eyes of two sisters, Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg). The planet “Melancholia” has been hiding behind the sun for years and years, and is now on a collision course with Earth, I don’t think the metaphor could be any more underlined than that.

It’s Justine’s wedding day, she has just married the understanding, caring Michael (Alexander Skarsgård), and Claire and her husband John (Keifer Sutherland) have laid on a lavish reception. Despite the best efforts of those around her, Justine is unable to shake the lingering sadness, she removes herself from the forced rituals and trivial obligations, and sets upon a self-destructive path, sabotaging the things that are supposed to make her happy.

Justine spends the first half of the film contained within her wedding dress, which she proceeds to rip, tear and dirty, in her continuous acts of defiance. But when she is allowed to remove her dress, in the bedroom with Michael, she refuses, and asks him to zip her back up, another refusal to comply with ritual, acting out against something she is “supposed” to do. Yet in the face of destruction, Justine strips bare, almost in a tranquil state of acceptance. It is only with the impending doom of the planet that Justine is truly at ease.

Claire on the surface appears stable and together, she has a husband and a son, and a gorgeous house. She likes to be scheduled and organised, as seen in her desperate attempts to control Justine’s wedding reception. But as Melancholia draws nearer, and the inevitably of death sinks in, Claire breaks down, unable to control her fate. It is inescapable, just like depression is inescapable, just like the estate in which the film takes place is inescapable, on three separate occasions characters are unable to cross the bridge that leads to the village. This is something beyond Claire’s control, and drinking wine and singing songs on the terrace isn’t going to change that.

For Justine, it is control that she has been running from her entire life, her response to control is often erratic and aggressive, so she welcomes the loss of containment, and finds a peacefullness in the end of the world, almost life-affirming.

Von Trier has created a meditative film on the end of the world. While his ideas are big, his story is focused and contemplative, drawing a career best performance from Kirsten Dunst, who deserves all the praise she has received, but who is equally matched by the always impressive Charlotte Gainsbourg. From a purely visual perspective the film is stunning, particularly the opening slow motion shots which foreshadow events to come. The end of the world has never looked so bleak yet so beautiful.

by Martin Holmes

Doctor Who Series 6 - The Wedding of River Song

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 15:28:00 +0100

The Wedding of River Song was the culmination of show-runner Steven Moffat’s master-plan. A plan that had been in the working for over two series. A plan that required time, patience, and dedication, often confusing and complicated, but always fun and entertaining, and most importantly, a plan that had a purpose. I’m not talking necessarily about the story of River Song, or The Silence, or the Ponds, I’m talking about the fall of the Doctor, and returning him to his origins.

Moffat has been, and continues to be, playing the long-game. I don’t for a second think that he had all the story details mapped out, I don’t believe he knew all the intricacies of River Song’s time-line, nor the ins and outs of the Silence, it would be mad to suggest otherwise. I believe Moffat had an overall idea of where he wanted these stories to go, and what these characters’ purpose was, and he filled in the gaps as he went along - that’s how most television shows operate. What he did know, was the over-arcing master-plan, the story of the Doctor, and stripping him back to his bare essentials.

In the Doctor’s own words he had become “too big”, like a rock band with indie credentials becoming too mainstream, the Doctor needed to return to his roots, take a sabbatical, find himself. The Doctor had developed a God complex, he was known by too many, simultaneously loved and feared, a persona that was created through the Russell T Davies era, and continued by Moffat as part of his master-plan to destroy that image. In The Wedding of River Song we did witness the death of the Doctor, not physically, but metaphorically; the legend, the idea of the Doctor is dead, and he can now return to lurking in the shadows, the lone mad-man in a box, travelling through time and space in secret, having all sorts of adventures. The Doctor of old has returned and it opens up some hugely exciting prospects for Series 7.

Doctor Who Episode 13 Review - Tick, Tock

The exhilarating series finale opens up in London, April 22nd, 2011, 5:02pm. Time is frozen, and all of history is happening at once. Steam trains pass through the Gerkin building in modern day London, hot air balloons float through the sky carrying cars, pterodactyls attack children in a park, Roman guards stop their horse drawn carriages at traffic lights, Charles Dickens promotes his next Christmas Special on BBC Breakfast (excellent self-plug), and Holy Roman Emperor Winston Churchill resides in the Buckingham Senate.

These opening scenes were breathtaking, perhaps visually the best Doctor Who has ever looked. The idea of all of history happening at once is a great concept, and it could have easily had a full episode to explore the idea. Churchill, who we last saw in The Victory of the Daleks, questions why time has become stuck, and demands to speak to the soothsayer, who of course is the Doctor, being held prisoner for so long that he has once again grown a beard. The Doctor tells Churchill that time has gone wrong because of “a woman”.

As the Doctor narrates his story to Churchill, we go back and see how this all came about. The Doctor, still on his farewell tour, goes on the search for information regarding the Silence. He encounters a Dalek on it’s death bed, and scans it’s memory to find out everything it knows about the Silence. It was a neat little scene, especially as I thought we weren’t getting any Daleks this year. The Dalek’s information leads him to Gideon Vandalar, an envoy of the Silence, but who is actually the Tesselecta, in robot form - now, for many, at this point you probably guessed that the Tesselecta would tie in to the Doctor’s escape from death, but I tried to switch my theory brain off for this episode, so that I could be fully engrossed, and it didn’t click for me.

The Tesselecta leads the Doctor to an alien Viking, who also works for the Silence. Before any more information is gleaned, the Doctor must play Live Chess, literally live, because the pieces have 4 million volts running through them. I think Live Chess would make a great game-show, more exciting than Red or Black anyway.

After conceding the chess game to the Viking, the Doctor is taken through an Indiana Jones style tunnel, complete with carnivorous skulls. He is brought to Dorium, now just a head in a box after his encounter with the Headless Monks. Can I just say before I continue, that the scene with the Viking getting eaten in the pit of skulls was some proper old school horror, it was bloody fantastic!

Dorium explains to the Doctor why the Silence want him dead, because he has a long and dangerous past, and an even more dangerous future. I found this a little odd, because even the briefest mention of a future for the Doctor means he must survive. Dorium tells him of the events in his future, including the fields of Trenzalor, the fall of the 11th, and the question which must never be answered. Moffat continues to play the long-game, evidently setting up the next regeneration story here.

The Doctor holds a terrible secret, a secret that must never be known, I assume this secret is the answer to the question, and Silence will fall when the question is asked. If so, then this series isn’t the last we have seen of the Silence. As the Doctor explains this to Churchill, he notices a tally mark on his arm, and as we know from The Day of the Moon, this means there are Silents in the vicinity.

We return to the story, with the Doctor and Dorium’s head aboard the TARDIS. Dorium says that the Doctor’s death is a “fixed point” in time that cannot be changed. But the Doctor refuses to die, exclaiming that time “has never laid a glove on me!” He plans to continue travelling through time and space, having adventures with his friends, both Rose Tyler and Captain Jack are referenced.

But when the Doctor calls one of his oldest friends, the Brigadier, and discovers that he has passed away, it is a moment of realisation for the Doctor, that everyone must die eventually, including himself. This was a touching tribute to Nicholas Courtney, who played the Brigadier, and who sadly passed away earlier this year. To take a moment out of the finale for him demonstrates the love the people working on Doctor Who have for the show and its legacy.

The Doctor accepts that his death is approaching, but he doesn’t want to die alone, so has the Tesselecta deliver his invitations. What the Doctor doesn’t account for is River Song’s stubbornness, and her refusal to kill him, she stands opposite him at Lake Silencio, in her astronaut suit, and drains her weapon power, effectively changing a “fixed point” in time, and causing time to go wrong, frozen, with all of history occurring at once. Time and the universe is disintegrating, and all because of River, she really is hell in high-heels.

Before the Doctor and Churchill are set upon by a bunch of Silents, Amelia Pond, back in black, and her army of guards come to save the day. Amy takes the Doctor to her office on the Orient Express, and although this is an alternate time-line, Amy remembers the Doctor by having drawings of events that remind her of him, however she is still looking for “her Rory”, not realising his resemblance to Captain Williams. The Doctor sharpens up, has a shave, and puts on his old jacket and trusty bow-tie.

Inside Area 52, an Egyptian pyramid marked with an American flag, Silents are seemingly being held captive in water tanks, to stop their electricity wielding powers. All of the people working in Area 52, including Amy and Rory are wearing eye-patches, which are called Eye-drives (or i-Drives?), that tap in to the external memory and allow you to remember the Silence, which I called last week, and is one of my many theories to actually come true! This scene includes the episode’s funniest line, when the Doctor is trying to convince Rory to ask out Amy for “texting and scones” - what a date!

In a room within the pyramid, River Song holds Madame Kovarian prisoner. After River flirts with the Doctor, making Kovarian almost physically sick, she tells him that she refuses to kill him, despite knowing it will destroy time. When the Doctor and River touch the connection is re-established and time starts moving again.

Before the Doctor and River can decide what to do, the Silence breaks out. They were never trapped, they were simply waiting for the Doctor all this time. Even the i-Drives were a set-up, programmed to use against those wearing them, including Kovarian. River takes the Doctor away to show him something, while the rest stay to fight the Silence.

In one of my favourite scenes of the episode, Rory remains behind to fend off the Silence, still wearing his i-Drive despite the fact that it could kill him, and he has to put up with the Silence mocking him about the amount of times he has died. But this time it is Amy that saves Rory, as she goes all bad-ass and machine guns down the Silents. Afterwards, Kovarian begs Amy for her life, telling her that she has to save her because that’s what the Doctor would do, but Amy responds “He isn’t here,” and she puts Kovarian’s i-Drive back on, leaving her to die. It is a dark turn for Amy as a character.

Atop of the pyramid, River shows the Doctor a beacon that is sending out a distress message across the universe, a message begging for help to save the Doctor. River tells him that there are so many people that love him, and no one who loves him as much as her. River would rather let the universe be destroyed than to kill the Doctor.

But the Doctor always has a plan, and he asks Amy and Rory for their consent to marry River. Rory is confused, “We’re married, and that’s our daughter,” Amy quickly explains. The Doctor uses his bow-tie to bind his and River’s arms together, and then he whispers something in her ear. He says that he told her his name, which we find out isn’t the case, but River does know his name in The Silence in the Library, so he must tell her at some point, perhaps in Let’s Kill Hitler?

I’m not sure if this marriage is legally binding, it did happen in an aborted time-line, a divorce probably wouldn’t hold up in court. Plus, who would get what? Who would keep the TARDIS? I don’t think they signed a pre-nup, and if they did, would River get…half of time and space?

When River and the Doctor kiss, time is reconnected, they return to Lake Silencio, and this time River kills the Doctor. Time resumes as normal, all of history returning to it’s original time period.

Back at the Ponds house, Amy drowns her sorrows in a bottle of wine. River turns up, fresh from her latest adventure with the Doctor, “I’ve just climbed out of the Byzantium.” Amy has guilt over her murder of Kovarian, despite it happening in an aborted time-line. She says if she could speak to the Doctor it would help, and then River delivers her secret. Rule number one, the Doctor lies, and so does River, she has been lying for quite some time, and she informs Amy and Rory that the Doctor is still alive.

In the Indiana Jones tunnel, Dorium is returned by a cloaked figure, the Doctor, our Doctor! Dorium asks how he survived, and we flashback to the Tesselecta asking the Doctor if there is anything else they can do - and that’s the twist. The Doctor that was killed at Lake Silencio was the Tesselecta, a robot Doctor controlled by miniaturised humans. When the Doctor whispered in River’s ear he told her to “Look in to my eye”, and as she did she saw the real Doctor inside, waving back.

For a complex episode the explanation was really straight-forward, I’m sure some felt it was a cop-out, but the answer was never going to satisfy everyone, I’m just happy it didn’t include Gangers. Some have asked how the Tesselecta was able to fake a regeneration, well it’s design was to emulate people and objects, so it isn’t impossible that it could emulate an orange glow. Others have said that did those inside the Tesselecta die when the “Doctor’s” body was burnt, I’m pretty sure they teleported out of there before that happened, plus the Doctor had his TARDIS aboard, so there was more than one method of escape.

So the Doctor didn’t die, but the universe thinks that he has, and that’s what is important. That’s what the “fixed point” was about, the idea of the Doctor’s death, it didn’t matter whether it was the real Doctor or a fake Doctor, just as long as people believed it was the Doctor that died. As he tells Dorium, he can now return to the shadows, without the baggage.

And as he leaves to once again be the lone mad-man in a box, Dorium teases us for what is to come for the Doctor, and the viewers. The fields of Trenzalor, the fall of the 11th, and the question which must never be answered, hidden in plain sight, the first question - Doctor who? I called this as well (yay!), and I said it would be a bit corny, and it kind of was, but it does put the focus on the origins of the Doctor and it could lead to some very interesting places. Or maybe it isn’t Doctor who? Maybe it is “Doctor, who?” as in a question posed to the Doctor about someone else, but I choose to believe it is the former, especially as Moffat appears to be tying it in to his long-game, and having it lead to the 11th Doctor’s regeneration, which I predict will happen in the shows 50th anniversary episode in 2013!

Series 6 has been one hell of a ride, at times complex and confusing, but also fun and entertaining, mixing a whole genre of styles and tones along the way. Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, and Arthur Darvill has really developed in to their roles and upped up their performances with each episode. Steven Moffat has constructed an epic journey and an epic fall for the Doctor, and returned him to his roots, which leaves the door wide open for what is to come in the future.

by Martin Holmes

Doctor Who Series 6 - Closing Time

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 14:34:00 +0100

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little underwhelmed by the penultimate episode of Doctor Who. It just felt like it could have been so much more heading in to next week’s series finale, and instead it was a fun but throw-away romp around a department store. It wasn’t a bad episode but it was just a little oddly placed within the arc of the series.

Closing Time did continue one of the major themes of the series however, in the importance of children. Craig survives due to the cries of his baby boy Alfie, the power of fatherhood and parenthood thrust to the centre stage. This has been a common factor all series long, in The Curse of the Black Spot, Captain Avery leaves his planet to ensure the survival of his son Toby. In The Almost People the ganger Jimmy discovers his humanity because of his son. In Night Terrors the father’s acceptance of his son is what saves the day. And of course, the most pivotal child related story of the series, Melody Pond, the daughter of Amy and Rory.

Doctor Who Episode 12 Review - Silver Rat

The Doctor is on his farewell tour, or at least that’s what he says, but like many famous rock bands that claim to be on their “farewell tour”, I’m sure this isn’t the last we have seen of the Doctor - there is a Christmas special currently being filmed for one thing! But as far as the Doctor is concerned, he believes this is the eve of his death, and is visiting his friends, which leads him to Craig (James Corden).

Craig, who we last saw in The Lodger, is now living a relatively normal life with his girlfriend Sophie, and newly born son Alfie or Stormageddon as he likes to call himself (the Doctor can speak “baby”). I’m not sure why Craig would be the character the Doctor chooses to see last on his farewell tour, but alas, his visit isn’t as short-lived as he was intending because there is something strange going on nearby. As much as the Doctor tries not to notice the flickering lights and eeriness in the air, he can’t resist investigating, and scans the area with his sonic screwdriver, and detects that some kind of teleportation device has been in operation.

The Doctor gets himself a job at a local department store, Sanderson & Grainger, which was actually a House of Fraser store in Cardiff. This made the episode particularly entertaining for me as I work at House of Fraser, not that specific one, but it was fun nonetheless, seeing our Buy & Collect counters on display, our Spring Event signage (which I had hours of joy putting out earlier this year), and our amazingly old-fashioned till systems. If only we had a spaceship of Cybermen in our basement, it’d make work-days so much more interesting.

Staff members have been going missing under suspicious circumstances, and on top of that, there is silver rat scurrying around the shop. The silver rat is not a toy, nor in fact a rat, it is a Cybermat, a fish-looking, piranha-mouthed, kind of pet of the Cybermen, made up of living things which aren’t “upgradable”. Cybermats were last seen on a Doctor Who television episode in the 1975 episode Revenge of the Cybermen.

(Then)

(Now)

As the Doctor tries to get Craig and Alfie out of the store, by taking the “out of order” lift, they find themselves teleported on to a spaceship, with a Cyberman looming towards them, the Doctor manages to quickly reverse it, disabling the teleportation device in the process. The Doctor tries to convince Craig to leave, knowing that he is risking his and his son’s life by being with him, but Craig believes the safest place for him and his son is by the Doctor’s side.

While the Doctor has been on his around the universe farewell tour, it appears Amy has become a celebrity of sorts. The Doctor sees Amy and Rory in the department store, and he watches from a distance as a young girl asks Amy for her autograph. Behind the Doctor is a huge poster featuring Amy’s face, advertising a perfume called Petrichor, which if you remember was the password Amy needed to think of in The Doctor’s Wife. I’m not sure how I feel about Amy being semi-famous, I suppose it shows that she has made something of herself without the Doctor, and having the perfume named Petrichor suggests she is more than just the face of the brand.

Craig and the Doctor stake out the department store after closing time, waiting to catch themselves a Cybermat. Although successful in their mission, the Doctor doesn’t escape fully unscathed. Following the screams of security guard George, the Doctor enters the basement, and he his assaulted by a Cyberman. The Doctor survives the attack, but he can’t explain how the Cyberman returned to the store so soon with the teleportation device switched off.

To me this was the least threatening the Cybermen have ever been. The idea of a crashed Cybership, with a small group of Cybermen trying to rebuild their “race” out of anything they can find, is a neat idea, but it was half-baked, and dealt with far too quickly.

With Craig out at the shops to buy milk, the Doctor has a heart to heart with baby Alfie. He confesses that he is going to die soon, that his time is almost at an end. How the Doctor is at his most truthful when talking to a baby is another mark for the importance of children in the Who universe.

Craig returns with the milk, and gets in to a fight with the Cybermat, which are stronger than they look. Luckily the fight takes place in the kitchen, so there are plenty of weapons around, such as frying pans and baking trays, it was like a Reeves & Mortimer sketch. With the Cybermat subdued, the Doctor reprogrammes it.

Returning to the store without Craig but with the reprogrammed Cybermat, the Doctor discovers an entrance hidden within one of the fitting rooms (an ideal escape for shoplifters). The entrance takes him in to the Cybership, which is not in space like the Doctor assumed, but is in fact on Earth, crashed years earlier, and the store was built on top of it. The Cybermen that survived have been taking scraps of all they could find to rebuild themselves, and are planning on converting the human race once they have enough power for their ship.

The Doctor is captured by the Cybermen who recognise him as the Timelord. Craig, attempting to save the day, enters the ship, but is also captured. Now, although I said the Cybermen were at their least threatening in this episode, this one scene did almost make up for it, when they converted Craig in to a Cyberman. Both Smith and Corden acted it perfectly, and for a second I really thought they were going to continue the fall of the Doctor, by having Craig stay converted. That would have been traumatic, perhaps a bit too much for tea-time tele.

Craig is able to reverse the conversion when he hears the cries of Alfie over the video-system, much like in Night Terrors, the father/son relationship is the defining factor. This overload of emotion causes the Cybermen to go in to meltdown and destroys their ship, while the Doctor and Craig teleport out of there. The whole “power of love” thing saving the day can become a bit weary, but I think it was very self-knowing in this episode, especially with Craig and the Doctor’s dialogue afterwards, “It was love!”.

As a parting gift, the Doctor uses time travel to clean up the mess in Craig’s house, before Sophie arrives home and finds the place in a state. The Doctor lets Craig know that Alfie is proud of him, and now wants to be called Alfie, rather than Stormageddon: Dark Lord of All. The Doctor tells Craig that tomorrow is the day of his death, and here things begin to set in motion the events of The Impossible Astronaut. Craig provides the Doctor with the stetson that we saw him wearing at the beginning of this series, and the Doctor borrows a bunch of blue envelopes, which we saw River and the Ponds receive.

I’m a little confused with the time-lines here. Is this episode happening in the future? Because when the Ponds receive their blue envelope in The Impossible Astronaut, they are living at their old house, not the house the Doctor gave them in The God Complex, and I believe they get the letter a few days before the Doctor is shot at Lake Silencio, not the day before. If the Doctor really dies tomorrow, then the Pond’s should already be in Utah, not gallivanting around a department store signing autographs. It only really makes sense if the Doctor travelled to see Craig in the future, perhaps a year later, picked up the blue envelopes, got his stetson, and then travelled back to April 2011, posted the envelopes, and travelled to Lake Silencio.

Before the Doctor enters the TARDIS for what he considers his last journey, he provides some parting words to a group of children playing on the street. We then cut to River Song, in the far future, researching the Doctor, and reading eye-witness accounts from those very same children. She notes the date and location of the Doctor’s death, before our favourite eye-patch wearing villain, Madame Kovarian enters, guarded by two Silence monsters - I knew we hadn’t seen the last of those suited skeletors! And the fact that Kovarian is working with the Silence, that leads me to believe that the eye-patch some how negates the Silence’s powers.

Kovarian informs River that she is basically their property, and has been since she was a child, the Silence have been around her for so long that it has effected her memory severely. She tells River that it is her that will kill the Doctor, and they force her in to the astronaut suit, and submerge her in lake Silencio, setting up the events of The Impossible Astronaut.

Closing Time was a fun but out of place episode, not really delivering as a penultimate episode leading in to what should be an eventful series finale. The last scene did however provide a great teaser heading in to The Wedding of River Song, and judging by the teaser, this one is going to be all sorts of crazy, and I cannot wait!

Doctor Who Series 6 - The God Complex

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 15:41:00 +0100

Almost every one has faith. Whether it be religious faith, the belief in a god or higher power, or the belief in a certain code of ethics or way of life, or the belief in humanity, a parent, a sibling, a friend. Faith is the ultimate trust in someone or something - there for you in your time of need, to protect you, help you, save you. Faith can be strong and powerful, but it can also blind us, leaving us weak and vulnerable.

How many people over the years have had faith in The Doctor? And how many times has that faith lead to heartache and misery, and in some cases, death? The God Complex could very well have been called The Doctor Complex. The Doctor’s need to save people, and his control over the universe is at best egocentric, and at worst highly irresponsible. Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, they all had faith in the Doctor, and did their lives turn out for the better? It’s debatable. But perhaps nobody has as much faith in the Doctor as Amy Pond, who has worshipped him since she was a little girl, sitting on her suitcase, waiting for him to come and save her. It comes to a point where people have to let go of their faith, and stand on their own two feet, before that faith destroys them.

Doctor Who Episode 11 Review - Reach Out And Touch Faith

Welcome to Hotel Nightmare, you can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave. The God Complex borrowed heavily from Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 horror classic adaptation of The Shining, not only in a stylistic sense but the theme of “hell on earth” is certainly prevalent in both. The individual rooms home to various horrors, in The Shining it is acts of depravity and sordid desires, in The God Complex the rooms are occupied by “bad dreams”, the fears of the hotel’s various guests.

Once you are exposed to your room and thereby brought face to face with your fear, you become prone to worship, almost as if you are possessed, like we see with Lucy Hayward at the beginning of the episode. After opening the door to her room, she begins to lose sense of herself, she manages to scribble her last thoughts on to a piece of paper, before she starts to give herself over to the monster that lurks the corridors, an alien Minotaur that seemingly feeds off people’s fears. “Praise him,” Lucy says over and over.

Again, the TARDIS has ventured off course and landed somewhere it wasn’t supposed to, either the Doctor needs to invest in a sat-nav, or the TARDIS is taking the Doctor not where he wants to be, but where ne needs to be, which is what he was told earlier this series in The Doctor’s Wife. The Doctor has a theory, although you should be prepared to ignore it, he believes that they are not on earth but are in fact in a hotel that has been made to look like Earth, although for what purpose is not yet known.

The walls are adorned with photographs of the Minotaur’s victims, each labelled with their fear “Commander Halke - Defeat” “Lady Silvertear - Daleks” “Lucy Hayward - That brutal Gorilla.”

“It’s okay, we’re nice,” Rory pleads to the three hotel guests that appear in reception, screaming and waving various weapons. The three people are, Gibbis, a native of Tivoli, a planet whose inhabitants willingly surrender and welcome being conquered. Howie, a young conspiracy theory nut. And Rita, a Muslim nurse who is quite the clever cloggs. Rita tells the Doctor and co that the hotel is alive, rooms change, corridors stretch, things appear elsewhere, and that each room contains “bad dreams”.

There is also Joe, who is tied up at the minute, and enjoying a good old chuckle with a room full of creepy ventriloquist dolls. Joe is already possessed, he tells the Doctor that they are not yet ready, that they are still raw, and they must first find their room, because even the Doctor has a room. When they have found their room and given themselves over, “he will feast”.

In Howie’s room there was a group of pretty young girls mocking him about his stammer.

In what was supposedly Gibbis’s room there were two Weeping Angels, still as frightening as ever.

In Rita’s room was her father chastising her for only getting a ‘B’ in her exams.

In Amy’s room was her as a little girl sat waiting for the Doctor to return.

And in the Doctor’s room (Room 11)? We didn’t get to find out but I have a pretty good idea of what it was, and I’ll come back to that.

The Doctor, from what he has seen and read in Lucy Hayward’s note, tells them all that the Minotaur is feeding off of their fear, and that they need to put faith in to whatever they believe in, whether that be religion or “a basket of kittens.” But this doesn’t appear to stop anything, because one by one those that have seen their rooms begin to praise, starting with Howie.

In a plan to trap the Minotaur, the Doctor and co tie Howie up and pipe his praising through a tannoy system, leading the monster to the Doctor. It becomes question time for the Minotaur as he must answer to the Doctor, it explains that the hotel is a prison, and that he is the guard. But more importantly, he lets the Doctor know that he wants it all to stop, that it is so old it has forgotten it’s name. Before the Doctor can get an answer on how to put it out of its misery, the Minotaur smashes through the doors, pursuing Howie, who Gibbis, in an act of pure cowardice, set free.

With Howie and Joe now literally shells of their former selves, Rita is next. This death perhaps meant the most because Rita had been set up as a potential companion to the Doctor throughout the episode, the Doctor, doing his best Alan Sugar impression, even jokingly fired Amy. But the Doctor couldn’t save Rita, he had to watch her death on the CCTV cameras. This brought out the angry Doctor, which is always welcome in my eyes, and he started to ‘rearrange’ some of the furniture.

During Amy’s speech to Gibbis about how the Doctor will save them eventually, because “he always does”, it suddenly clicks in to place. The Doctor realises that it isn’t fear that the Minotaur is feeding on, but faith. The reason Rory didn’t find his room, and why he was shown exits was because he has no faith, he isn’t religious or superstitious (this could be read as slight against religion). But all of the others believed in someone or something. Joe was a gambler, he had faith in luck. Howie believed in conspiracy theories. Rita was a Muslim so had religious faith. Gibbis believes in subjugation. And of course, Amy has faith in the Doctor, and the strength of her faith in him means she is next.

In order to stop the Minotaur feasting on Amy, the Doctor has to destroy Amy’s faith in him. They enter Amy’s room, with the young Amelia Pond sitting on her suitcase, awaiting her raggedy man in a blue box. The Doctor, simultaneously talking to the young Amy and present Amy, tells her that he knew all along that he would lead her to her death, this was always going to happen and he did nothing to stop it, he says that she should forget him, let go of her faith in him, and become who she really is, Amy Williams. It was a beautiful little scene, and tightly performed by Matt Smith, not too over-the-top, it was just right.

I know this is probably going to get me lots of stick from the Tennant fan boys and girls, but it is the reason I prefer Smith to Tennant, I think there is much more subtly to Smith’s performance, whereas Tennant would often ham it up, especially in emotional scenes. That’s not to say Tennant was bad, he was often fantastic, I just think Smith has taken the Doctor to another level.

As the Minotaur slowly begins to die, the hotel falls apart, revealing a Tron-like environment based in outer-space. Before the Minotaur passes, he reveals some home truths, and this is where the episode links thematically with A Good Man Goes To War, in regards to the fall of the Doctor. Here is the Minotaur’s speech:

“An ancient creature drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space, through an endless shifting maze. For such a creature death would be a gift.”

Whilst the Doctor believes the Minotaur is talking about himself, before they step back on the TARDIS, the monster reveals “I wasn’t talking about myself.” I still think this path we are heading down is very dark and very brave for Doctor Who. They’ve always played with the notion that what the Doctor does can cause pain and destruction, but I don’t think it has ever plagued the Doctor’s mind like it has done recently, I mean “drenched in the blood of the innocent” is pretty explicit.

The Doctor’s fall is continuing from A Good Man Goes To War, in Let’s Kill Hitler he was almost brought to his death, it ended up with River Song saving his life. In last week’s episode The Girl Who Waited we saw the Doctor at his most devious, locking the future Amy out of the TARDIS despite telling Rory that both Amy’s could survive. Night Terrors kind of disrupted the fall, but as that episode was supposed to air in the first half of the season, I’m going to ignore it. And of course, The God Complex brought the realisation once again that bad things happen to those that meet the Doctor.

There is no choice left for the Doctor but to return the Ponds, or I suppose I should now say, the Williams’, home. But not their old home, this is a new home that the Doctor has bought them, along with a flash new car. At first I thought this was the house they were living in at the beginning of The Impossible Astronaut, and it had me confused. I did have a theory that this was taking place before the events of The Impossible Astronaut, because there was also some strange timey-wimey madness when Rory spoke in the past tense to the Doctor, when he said “After all the time I spent with you in the TARDIS, what’s left to fear.” But I think this was maybe Rory having already made his decision to leave the TARDIS, last week he did tell the Doctor that he didn’t want to travel with him anymore.

The Doctor does tell Amy that they will see him again some day, and as we know, Amy and Rory are present for the Doctor’s death. But for now he has to leave them behind in order to save them, he doesn’t want to be standing over Amy and/or Rory’s dead bodies, and he knows that the longer they travel with him the more that becomes a severe possibility. It may be a bit harsh on the Doctor to say that he ruins the lives of those that travel with him, because I don’t think that is true. His companions often are looking for meaning, they were outcasts or underachievers in the real world, and travelling through time and space with the Doctor brought them a sense of purpose, and arguably made them better people. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that they are risking their lives every second they are with the Doctor, and it is a risk our favourite Time Lord is no longer willing to take.

The parting shot of the lonely Doctor in his TARDIS is beautifully poignant. And I believe this is what the Doctor saw in his room, himself, alone. The Doctor’s greatest fear is loneliness. “Of course. Who else?” he says when he opens the door to his room, and I’m sure this is exactly what he says before he his shot by the astronaut - does this mean the Doctor kills himself? Suicide may be going a little bit too far for tea-time entertainment. We may never know what was inside the Doctor’s room, and I think it is probably better if it remains a secret.

The Doctor won’t be lonely for too long though, as in next weeks penultimate episode he once again finds Craig (James Corden), and they prepare to do battle with some…Cybermen!

Best of the Best: Ranking the Survivor Winners

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 21:00:00 +0100

Survivor returns tonight for it’s 23rd season, South Pacific, where a group of 18 castaways will battle it out to become the latest sole survivor. So, what better time to rank all the previous winners?

Survivor debuted in the year 2000 on CBS, instantly becoming a cultural phenomenon, reaching an audience of over 50 million, and made house-hold names out of contestants such as Richard Hatch, Rudy Boesch, Sue Hawk, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Jerri Manthey, and Colby Donaldson. The game has evolved over the years, new twists have been added, and viewers have dropped off, but Survivor still holds a loyal audience of around 13 million, who tune in week after week to see whose torch will be snuffed next, and who will be crowned the latest sole Survivor.

There have been 22 seasons of Survivor, and 21 different winners. Each winner brings something different to the table, their strategies (or lack thereof) vary, and every one of them has had the ability to outwit, outplay, and outlast their fellow competitors. But who are the best winners? Who out of all 21 would have the best chance of winning over and over again?

I have tried to be as objective as possible in my ranking, putting aside personal favourites, and looking at who had the best overall game. There are three key factors that I have focused on when ranking a winner: strategy, social, and control. I have trawled the internet, reading various blogs, and Survivor related websites, such as Survivor Sucks, Digital Spy, and Survivor Skills, and have taken in to account the wide variety of opinions on who they believe are the best winners.

So with that, on to the list…

1. Sandra Diaz-Twine (Winner: Pearl Islands and Heroes vs Villains)

I really struggled with the placings of my top five, to be honest, I could find reasons for each one of them to take the number one spot, but when it came down to it, how can you deny a person that has won the game twice?

Sandra is unique, in that she is an under-the-radar player, but has absolutely no problem in owning that role. Sandra perfected the “as long as it’s not me” strategy, always managing to make herself an asset to the dominating alliance, and was effortlessly able to switch back and forth to where the numbers where. She turned her weakness in challenges in to an advantage rather than a hindrance. Sandra was also distinct in how she was honest about her motives, she had no problem letting everyone know she would lie to get ahead, so when it came time to vote for a winner the jury couldn’t exactly hold that against her. And for such an under-the-radar player, Sandra sure had a set of balls, and was not afraid to stick up for herself, as we saw in her many arguments with Jonny Fairplay, it was her social skills that made her likable even when she was shouting and swearing.
It’s this passive-aggressive personality that makes her perfect for the game of Survivor.

Sandra didn’t receive one vote against her in Pearl Islands, and only had one vote against her in Heroes vs Villains (two didn’t count), that is immensely impressive. Sandra’s style of play may not be the most exciting to watch, but it is the most effective, she is a shrewd woman who always makes the best move to benefit her, and is constantly in control of her position in the game. If each winner was to play Survivor a hundred times, I’d be confident that Sandra would win the most.

Strategy: 10/10
Social: 9/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment(s): Organising the vote against Burton in Pearl Islands. Her social game in Heroes vs Villains.

2. Richard Hatch (Winner: Borneo)

The pioneer of Survivor strategy, whose to say what Survivor would have been without the one and only Richard Hatch? When Survivor: Borneo started nobody quite knew what to expect, especially the contestants. It was a social experiment, placing a group of 16 strangers on an island and stripping away their basic essentials. But while most were simply trying to survive the elements, Richard was hatching (pun intended) a plan on how to win the $1 million.

Hatch was the originator of the alliance, creating a four-strong faction including Rudy, Sue, and Kelly. He picked off his competition one-by-one, and never once faltered. His control over the game was masterful, and hasn’t really been matched until this most recent season with Boston Rob. Richard was a business man, and great with words, and could make people buy into his BS. He also made himself an asset around camp, been the main food provider with his expert fishing skills. Hatch could talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk. If Hatch didn’t win the first season, who knows if Survivor would even be still on the air?

The only thing stopping Hatch for taking the number one spot was his inability to recapture former glory on All Stars, but he came in to that season with such a monumental target on his back, it was always going to be near impossible to overcome.

Strategy: 9/10
Social: 8/10
Control: 10/10
Defining moment(s): Forming alliance. Throwing the final immunity challenge.

3. Todd Herzog (Winner: China)

I swapped and changed with Todd’s position a few times, initially placing him at number four on the basis that those ranked above him had scored a better average because they’d played more times, but it just felt unfair, so Todd takes his rightful place in the top three.

Todd was only 22 years old when he played Survivor, and yet had the smarts and wisdom of someone double his age. Although there was a professional poker player on this season, Todd was the expert people reader, and knew how to influence individuals. He appealed to their logic, beliefs, or way of life - it didn’t matter if he truly had anything in common with these people, as long as he could make them think he did. He controlled pretty much every Tribal Council he was involved in, and yet he never felt pushy or overbearing in his decision making. His skills in manipulation were so impressive that he had people giving him clues to the whereabouts of the hidden immunity idols. Todd created many sub-alliances, and turned on them when he felt the time was right, while maintaining his true alliance with Amanda and Courtney, and all but dragged them to the Final 3 with him.

Todd barely put a foot wrong, and dealt with the jury in a calm and concise manner, owning his game and admitting to his manipulations, while still demonstrating that the relationships he had formed with his fellow contestants were real, and therefore boosted up his social game. Todd did however lose a couple of votes from those that thought his deceitful gameplay was too much. Todd is my number one pick for a player I’d love to see return for a future season, because I believe he has the ability to go all the way again.

Strategy: 9/10
Social: 8/10
Control: 10/10
Defining moment(s): Blindsiding Jean-Robert.

4. Parvati Shallow (Winner: Micronesia - Fans vs Favourites)

Outside of Sandra, Parvati has one of the most impressive Survivor resumes. She has played a total of 114 days in three seasons, and has finished 1st, 2nd, and 6th. That is one hell of an average.

Parvati is often categorised as the “flirt”, and while she certainly is a flirtatious person, it is unfair to diminish her strategy to just that. Parvati is very charming, and if given enough time she is able to use that charm to put together a strong alliance with an almost unbreakable bond. She inspires loyalty, one only has to look at her controlling of the female alliance in Micronesia. She can be a leader, but also allow someone else to take charge while subtly controlling their moves (as in Russell Hantz in Heroes vs Villains). Parvati is a strong challenge competitor, a decent worker around camp, and has a mind built for this game.

What is holding Parvati back from that number one spot is the fact that although she played an incredible game in Micronesia, she had a lot of help from Cirie, who arguably would have won that season if not for the sudden change from a Final 3 to a Final 2. Also, if it wasn’t for Jonny Fairplay throwing in the towel, Parvati very well could have been voted out first in Micronesia. Parvati also benefited from sitting next to one of the worst jury performers of all time in Amanda.

Strategy: 9/10
Social: 7/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment(s): Blindsiding Ozzy. Forming female alliance.

5. “Boston” Rob Mariano (Winner: Redemption Island)

There is no doubt that Rob should be in the top ten, it was just a struggle in deciding what half he belongs. Rob has had the advantage of playing the game four times, beating Parvati’s amount of days played record with 117. His placings have been uneven to say the least. In Marquesas and Heroes vs Villains he failed to make the jury, but in All Stars he was runner-up, and arguably should have won, and he has just won Redemption Island. It is Rob’s utter domination in both All Stars and Redemption Island that earns him his spot.

Rob’s effortless charm and charisma has the power to brain-wash his fellow players, and that combined with his challenge dominance makes him such a huge threat. I said earlier that nobody has controlled the game quite as masterfully as Richard Hatch, until Redemption Island. Rob put on a masterclass of Survivor 101, keeping ahead of every aspect, and lead his alliance like a Manson-esque cult (but with less killing and less head-shaving). Alliances, sub-alliances, sub-sub-alliances, Rob managed to keep them all secretive. He did the same thing in All Stars, but lost due to one vote, and a very bitter jury. In Redemption Island his social game had improved, and was enough to give him the win.

Having had the chance to play four times obviously drops Rob a few places, if I was to judge just on his All Stars and Redemption Island performances he’d be top three at least. As Jeff Probst said, Rob played as close to a near-perfect game of Survivor as you are ever likely to see.

Strategy: 8/10
Social: 8/10
Control: 9/10
Defining moment(s): Instigating Rupert/Big Tom argument. His control over Ometepe alliance (buddy system, separate shelter, different eating times etc).

6. Brian Heidik (Winner: Thailand)

Sleazy, slimy, shallow, but a superb game-player. Brian, a former used-car salesman, described his time on Survivor as a “business trip”, and that’s exactly how he handled it. Thailand is often criticised as one of the worst seasons due to it’s mostly unlikable cast and predictability, and while those points are valid, it is still an interesting season to watch because of Brian’s manipulative strategy.

“It’s all about love,” Brian said during the first Tribal Council, just the start of a cunning plan to fool his fellow players in to believing he was their friend, that he had their back, that the bond they had formed was real - yet it was all a mirage. Brian’s grip over the game was so tight that it left no room for anyone else to breathe, the Sook Jai tribe was easily decimated come merge-time, and Brian had his alliance so wrapped up in his promises, each person believing they were the one that Brian wanted to sit next to in the finals, that they were almost frightened to make a move against him. Brian was also dominant in challenges, winning three back-to-back immunities. Brian’s game was very similar to how Boston Rob played Redemption Island, constantly in control, and not allowing anyone else to sneak an advantage, it’s excellent game-play but can make for a very dull season.

Brian loses points however for losing three votes to Clay, one of the biggest goats in Survivor history, Clay shouldn’t have come any where near to winning! So although Brian controlled the game expertly to get to the Final 2, he almost blew it at the end.

Strategy: 9/10
Social: 6/10
Control: 10/10
Defining moment(s): Keeping his three separate Final 2 alliances secret from each other.

7. James “J.T” Thomas (Winner: Tocantins)

Out of all the winners JT is the one I have re-evaluated the most and changed my opinion on, despite his massive blunder in Heroes vs Villains. At the time, I found Tocantins to be an average season, and very predictable post-merge, and I believed runner-up Stephen Fishbach to be the one with all the brains. But on re-watching, and reading interviews with the cast members from this season, it seems JT played an exceptional game.

From everything Stephen has said in interviews post-show, pretty much all strategic decisions were made together between him and JT, they would both hash out various options, and choose the one that would benefit them the most, which kind of makes them a partnership and that’s what stops JT from making the top five. When it comes to the social game, I don’t think anyone comes close to JT, at certain points in the game he had people sacrificing their own game to help him make it further. His charm and likability had an almost hypnotic effect on people, and it wasn’t as if he was playing against a bunch of dummies, he managed to outwit, outplay, and outlast players such as Taj, Erinn, Brendan, and Tyson (before his blunder in Heroes vs Villains) who were well-educated, intelligent players.

JT is only the second person in Survivor history to receive a unanimous vote, handling the final tribal council perfectly, and it was against a very worth adversary in Stephen. He also won more individual immunity challenges than anyone else in his season, and was voted the Sprint Player of the Season. JT played the perfect game, and if he went further in Heroes vs Villains he could have been further up the list.

Strategy: 8/10
Social: 10/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment(s): Final Tribal Council jury performance.

8. Earl Cole (Winner: Fiji)

There is one word that instantly springs to mind when I think of Earl, and that word is “slick”. Earl is a very likable guy, a smooth talker, and very logical in his approach to the game. Fiji, much like Thailand, is regarded as one of the more boring seasons, another opinion I’d agree with, although it does have its moments, the Edgardo blindside being a particular highlight. Earl is not the most exciting winner on the list, but he is one of the most successful.

Much like JT and Stephen in Tocantins, Earl formed an early partnership with Yau-Man, and made most of their strategic decisions together. And not to take anything away from Earl’s win, but in Fiji the majority of the cast were either deluded, feeble, or completely unhinged, so in comparison Earl and Yau-Man looked like geniuses. Earl was a silent leader, and was able to control his alliance, and recruit new members to his alliance come the merge. Earl only received one vote against him at Tribal Council, made it all the way to the finals without ever winning individual immunity, and was the first player to ever win by a unanimous vote.

It’s arguable that if Dreamz hadn’t reneged on the deal he made with Yau-Man to give him immunity at Final 4, then Yau-Man would most likely have won the season, and the fact that Earl was sat against two of the biggest goats in the Final 3, loses him a couple of points.

Strategy: 8/10
Social: 10/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment: Convincing Cassandra, Dreamz, Stacy and Boo to join his alliance.

9. Tom Westman (Winner: Palau)

Tom Westman was a born-leader, abandoning his initial plan to blend in to the background in Palau, Tom became the head honcho of the most successful tribe in Survivor history, winning every single pre-merge immunity challenge, and the most individual immunities in his season.

There haven’t been many people that have been able to control the physical aspect of the game as equally as the mental part, but Tom was one of the best. He was a power-house in challenges, a great provider at camp (even catching a shark!), and a strong leader of his alliance. He was able to navigate the game well, and was always one step ahead of the competition, as seen with him voting off Coby and Gregg.

Tom loses points for his failure to recapture former glory in Heroes vs Villains. His heart and drive was still there, but he was unable to manouver himself in to a solid alliance and it became his early downfall.

Strategy: 8/10
Social: 9/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment(s): Voting out Gregg. Guilt-tripping Ian to throw Final Immunity challenge.

10. Yul Kwon (Winner: Cook Islands)

Yul was a methodical player. His every decision was thought through, never hasty or scatter-brained, his plans were accurate and precise. Cook Islands was one of Survivor’s most controversial seasons as they decided to divide the tribes based on race, which still sounds odd to this day. When the tribes were eventually shuffled Yul ended up in an alliance with Becky, Sundra, and Ozzy, and remained loyal to them throughout the game.

This was also the third season to feature a hidden immunity idol, and the first time that the idol was used to it’s full potential. Yul milked that idol for all it’s worth, using it as a bargaining chip to get Jonathan to jump ship, and vote with the Aitu alliance. Like Earl and Brian, Yul may not be the most exciting player to ever play the game, but he was certainly one of the smartest.

However, Cook Islands was one of the most twist heavy seasons of all time, and fortunately for Yul many of those twists ended up in the favour of him and his alliance, in particular the “message in a bottle” twist. Also, Yul was almost beaten in jury votes by challenge dominator Ozzy, who despite his physical skills had a poor social game.

Strategy: 8/10
Social: 7/10
Control: 8/10
Defining moment(s): Convincing Jonathan to switch sides.

11. Jenna Morasca (Winner: The Amazon)

Jenna Morasca is one of the most unfairly judged winners in Survivor history, in fact, Jeff Probst once called her the worst winner ever, which is just ludicrous. Not only is Jenna not the worst winner ever, she is far from it. Yes, Amazon was strategically dominated by Rob Cesternino, and yes Jenna was up against someone who the rest of cast thought was psychotic in the final two, but that shouldn’t totally discredit her victory.

People rank Jenna so low because she spent the first half of the season with the pretty girls, hooking up, whining, and even considering quitting at one point - and people can’t see past this, they don’t like to admit that someone like that deserved to win. But Jenna did have game, she always had herself in a comfortable position within the majority alliance, when numbers started to dwindle she fit in elsewhere, yes Rob was dictating most of the game, but Jenna was right there behind him. And in the latter half of the game when Jenna lost the numbers, she stepped up in challenges, winning back-to-back immunities, and eventually got rid of Rob and took Matt to the final two, and won in a near unanimous vote. And when she returned for All Stars she was the best positioned out of all previous winners before having to exit the game early due to her Mother’s illness.

Yes she moaned and complained, but she was 21 years old at the time, still the youngest female to ever win the game - and how many people have considered quitting Survivor over the years? I think nearly every one of them must have considered it at one point or another, whether it was thought out-loud or not.

Strategy: 7/10
Social: 7/10
Control: 7/10
Defining moment(s): Choosing Matt over Rob in Final 2. Giving immunity necklace to Heidi.

12. Ethan Zohn (Winner: Africa)

It would be cruel not to put Survivor’s cutest couple next to each other, so Ethan follows Jenna. Was Ethan a strategic mastermind? Nope. But he was one of the nicest guys to ever play the game, and outside of JT perhaps had the best social game of all previous winners. Ethan is a Survivor in more ways than one, fighting cancer since 2009, and currently in remission. It’s been great to see the love and support from Jenna through his ordeal, and I wish them luck on the upcoming season of The Amazing Race.

Ethan didn’t make any specific big moves in Africa, but he remained part of a solid alliance with Big Tom, Lex and Kim J, and performed well in challenges. When Kim J surprised everyone by winning the final two immunity challenges, it was Ethan’s personality and superior social game that kept him over the likes of Lex and Tom. Ethan failed to repeat his success in All Stars, but he made more of an effort than most that season.

Strategy: 6/10
Social: 9/10
Control: 6/10
Defining moment(s): Social game.

13. Danni Boatwright (Winner: Guatemala)

Danni is one of the most over-looked Survivor winners, as is the season Guatemala as a whole, the only season not to have had a repeat chancer (Stephenie doesn’t count because she was originally from Palua). Danni’s game perhaps lacked the flare of other winners, and she certainly didn’t dominate the edit, how could she when Stephenie LaGrossa was involved, but she had a great underdog story, and was extremely likable.

While Stephanie and her alliance back-stabbed and played a more devious game, Danni was loyal and trustworthy, and had a very good social game, probably one of the most underrated social games in Survivor history. When it came down to it she won crucial challenges, and her choice to take Stephenie to the final two proved a smart decision as Danni won 6-1 in a near unanimous victory.

Strategy: 6/10
Social: 8/10
Control: 5/10
Defining moment(s): Choosing to take Stephenie over Rafe to Final 2.

14. Tina Wesson (Winner: Australian Outback)

Survivor was still in its infancy when Tina won back in Season 2, Richard Hatch had set the template the year previously, and people were still trying to figure out whether this was the only way to win the game. Tina didn’t strategically dominate the game like Hatch did, but she managed to slot herself in to a strong alliance, and displayed a winning balance of strategy and social skills to get her through the game.

Tina convinced Colby to take her to the Final 2, using the nice, older lady routine, and this would prove a fatal mistake for Colby, in fact, it’s one of the biggest blunders in the show’s history, as Colby was guaranteed to win had he taken Keith instead. But the jury rewarded Tina’s strategy over Colby’s challenge dominance, and Tina became the first woman to win the game. Tina drops low in the ranking because she was the first person voted out in All Stars, and despite winning Australian Outback, it was a very close vote.

Strategy: 6/10
Social: 6/10
Control: 7/10
Defining moment(s): Convincing Colby to take her to Final 2.

15. Aras Baskauskas (Winner: Panama - Exile Island)

As we get lower down the list it becomes harder to be positive. Was Aras a bad winner? It’s difficult to say, especially in a season when you think there were others who deserved to win much more, it’s the reason people rank Jenna Morasca so low because they believe Rob Cesterino should’ve won the season, it’s an unfair way of looking at things, but it happens. I’m guilty of it with Exile Island, because I believe Cirie played the strongest strategic game, and dictated the big moves, especially in the latter half of the season.

Aras was a strong member of the dominating alliance however, he performed well in challenges, and earned peoples trust with relative ease. His game wasn’t exciting or controversial, it was just, consistent, and when it came down to him and Danielle he deserved the win.

Strategy: 6/10
Social: 6/10
Control: 6/10
Defining moment(s): Winning Final 4 immunity squashing Terry and Danielle’s plot to oust him.

16. Chris Daugherty (Winner: Vanuatu)

Is Chris often regarded as a bad winner because he just isn’t that likable? Maybe, I mean, he’s not a bad guy by any means, but he just wasn’t that rootable, despite being the underdog in the latter part of the game. In Vanuatu for the second time in the show’s history, the tribes were divided between gender, and despite performing abysmally in the first challenge, Chris was spared due to the older men forming an alliance and eliminating all the younger guys.

Vanuatu, for the majority of the season, was dominated by the women, from the cult like leadership of Ami, to the fiestiness of Twila, to the scrappiness of Eliza. Eventually Chris was the last man standing but found himself in a valuable position as a swing vote, and he pulled off a couple of big betrayals on the likes of Julie and Eliza, and went to the Final 3 with the two older women Twila and Scout, allowing him to win the final immunity challenge.

Strategy: 6/10
Social: 5/10
Control: 6/10
Defining moment(s): Voting out Julie instead of Twila.

17. Natalie White (Winner: Samoa)

Samoa is a strange season because the Survivor editors decided to neglect every other played and build the season around Russell Hantz, with Shambo as co-star. This meant every one else was severely under-edited, even the winner Natalie White. Does this mean Natalie was a great winner? No. Does she deserve to be ranked in the lower half of the list? Yes. But she definitely isn’t the worst winner ever.

People say that Natalie rode Russell’s coat-tails, and that is true, but that is a valid strategy, and one that Natalie was fully aware of. Natalie said early on in the season that she knew if she was against Russell in the end that she could beat him because of his aggressive, bully style of gameplay. Russell wanted to take Natalie to the end because he believed he could manipulate her, but it worked both ways, they used each other, it’s just that Natalie didn’t feel the need to brag about it and build herself up in every confessional. It could also be argued that if it wasn’t for Natalie convincing Galu to turn on Erik, then the Foa Foa alliance wouldn’t have made it as far.

Strategy: 5/10
Social: 7/10
Control: 5/10
Defining moment(s): Convincing Galu to vote out Erik. Aligning with Russell.

18. Bob Crowley (Winner: Gabon)

Bob is personally one of my least favourite winners, he’s not a bad person, far from it, but his strategy was just so uneventful and tame. Gabon was hardly a season of the strategic masterminds but it was full of big characters such as Sugar, Randy, Corinne, Kenny, and Crystal. Bob won almost purely on likability, which means he had a decent social game, but he did almost lose to Susie, who did even less than Bob!

When it came to challenges Bob was very successful, and for a guy his age against lots of youngsters that was admirable. And he was good at making fake immunity idols, but it was all a little pointless, all the fake idol did was humiliate Randy, which could have lost him a jury vote. The big strategic moves of the season were made by Kenny, and Sugar, which shows how insane this season was when Sugar was a power player!

Strategy: 5/10
Social: 6/10
Control: 4/10
Defining moment(s): Winning fire-making tie-breaker against Matty.

19. Amber Brkich [Amber Mariano] (Winner: All Stars)

If we were ranking the hottest Survivor players then no doubt Amber would be near the top of the list, but unfortunately for Amber we aren’t, we are ranking the winners, and she just wasn’t a good winner. It doesn’t help that she really didn’t deserve a place on the All Stars season to begin with, and much like Jenna Lewis was only included because Colleen Haskell turned it down, Amber was only there because Elisabeth Hasselbeck refused to participate.

I hate to say that anyone was carried in Survivor, but if there was ever a season when somebody was carried it was All Stars. Whether they were an item before the season or not will never be truly known, but the fact is Rob and Amber formed an early alliance/relationship and had a grip on the entire season. Rob controlled the game much like he did in Redemption Island, he dominated in challenges, he betrayed people when he needed to, and he had Amber under his wing while he did it. It was even Rob’s promise to Lex that helped Amber survive when the tribes were shuffled. Rob lost in part to a very bitter jury, and Amber reaped the rewards. The reason I don’t place Amber any lower is because she did finish 6th in Australian Outback, which gives her a very good average.

Strategy: 4/10
Social: 5/10
Control: 5/10
Defining moment(s): Aligning with Rob.

20. Jud “Fabio” Birza (Winner: Nicaragua)

Jud aka Fabio is the opposite of Bob, he’s one of my favourite winners, he was likable, rootable, and just a cool, chilled out dude. But that doesn’t change the fact that he was a poor winner. Much like with Gabon, it wasn’t as if Nicaragua was brimming with strategic masterminds, although Marty and Brenda did show early promise, and Sash played a good if flawed game, but it still doesn’t improve Fabio’s ranking.

It’s hard to tell if Fabio played clueless or just was clueless, signs point to the latter, but his lack of strategic wit made him a non-threat, and he avoided been targeted for the majority of the game. When he did become a target he managed to pull out all the stops to win immunity, three times in a row, and secured his place in the finals. He did almost lose to the wishy-washy Chase though, who would’ve been an even worse winner than Fabio!

Strategy: 3/10
Social: 5/10
Control: 4/10
Defining moment(s): Going on a challenge winning streak.

21. Vecepia Towery (Winner: Marquesas)

Being an under-the-radar player is a valid strategy, but you don’t have to be so boring with it. Sandra was under-the-radar but she owned her role, you always felt like Sandra knew what she was doing and was always in control, not necessarily in control of an alliance or the votes, in control of her own position in the game. Vecepia I felt just floated along, not really becoming an active player until right at the end when she won immunity (and her social game came in to use in that challenge) and then made a deal with Neleh to take her to Final 2.

Marquesas is one of my favourite seasons, it had the first major power shift in Survivor history, and it included some of my all time favourite players in Boston Rob, Sean Rector, and Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien. But it also had one of the worst Final 2’s ever, and it put a damper on the entire season. I feel kind of bad about ranking Vecepia last, I mean she did win the season, and that’s something only 20 other people can say, so she obviously did something right, I just feel that other people in the game controlled her fate and she simply swerved in at the last minute and reaped the benefits.

Strategy: 3/10
Social: 6/10
Control: 3/10
Defining moment(s): Making Final 2 deal with Neleh.

And there we have it, all 21 winners ranked from best to worst, you may agree, you may disagree, I’ve tried to be objective as possible, but at the end of the day, it is still my opinion, and your list may look entirely different to mine. The question now is, where will the winner of Survivor: South Pacific rank amongst these? We will find out soon.

Doctor Who Series 6 - The Girl Who Waited

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 16:47:00 +0100

What’s the best line you’ve ever used on a girl? Because I bet it doesn’t come any where close to “I would rip apart time for you.” But then again, we aren’t all Rory Williams, nurse, husband, father, and former Centurion automaton. The Girl Who Waited was a timey-wimey love story with robots. We have seen many Amy/Rory love stories in previous episodes, and this one didn’t exactly cover any new ground, but it was put together so sublimely it was difficult to fault it.

Tom Macrae’s script kept the action and sets minimal, allowing the acting ability of both Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill to take centre stage. And to any of those naysayers that still claim Gillan and Darvill can’t act, well this episode proved them embarrassingly wrong. Both Gillan and Darvill were at the top of their game, and gave their best performances of the series so far. Their chemistry feels so real, their emotions so raw, they are able to tug at the heart-strings, and make us laugh at the same time. Matt Smith usually steals the show, but here he took a back-seat to the Ponds, and allowed them to shine.

Doctor Who Episode 10 Review - Killing With Kindness

Much like last week’s episode Night Terrors, this was a stand-alone episode that didn’t continue the series-arc. It did however begin to lay the ground-work for events to come, specifically in regards to how the Doctor will escape his future death. If this episode proved anything it’s that the future can be re-written.

The Doctor and the Ponds arrive at a quarantine facility, all white walls and doors, very clinical looking. The facility was built for victims of an alien plague, the “one day plague” as the Doctor calls it, because you get it, and then you die within a day. While Amy searches for her camera-phone aboard the TARDIS, the Doctor and Rory push the Green Anchor button and enter a room, inside is a table and a large magnifying glass, the door closes behind them.

When Amy tries to join them, she presses the Red Waterfall button, which takes her in to the same room but within a different time-stream. “Time’s gone wobbly” as the Doctor so eloquently puts it.

Through the looking glass, you have the ability to see in to different time-streams, so Rory and the Doctor can see Amy, and she can see them. I’m sure the Through The Looking Glass imagery was intentional, as that is a book itself that plays around with frequent changes in time and space. While only a couple of minutes have passed for Rory and the Doctor, a whole week has gone by for Amy, “Two different time-streams running parallel but at different speeds.”

“You have a choice. Sit at their bedside for 24 hours and watch them die, or sit in here for 24 hours and watch them live. Which would you choose?” This is an episode all about choices; choices regarding life and death, and Rory is the man in the middle.

The Doctor commits a small act of vandalism and steals the looking glass, locks on to Amy’s stream, and plans to use the TARDIS to smash through the time-stream, and save Amy. Amy has to hide somewhere within the facility while the TARDIS follows the signal, whilst avoiding injections from the Hand-bots.

The facility is kind of like a futuristic airport/aeroplane, with it’s own built in entertainment system, providing everything from an aquarium to a roller-coaster zone, it’s a bit like Center Parcs. There is an interface that acts as a guide, teacher, and friend.

The Hand-bots are the most persistent nurses of all time, despite having it explained to them that their medicine will kill the likes of Amy and Rory, they simply reject the statement and continue to fire needles all over the place. The only place Amy can hide from them is by the temporal engines which provide the power of the time-streams.

The garden scene looked beautiful, up until this point we were surrounded by white walls, so the sudden change of imagery was very effective. Perhaps another Through The Looking Glass reference, which also included a mystical garden.

Meanwhile Rory and the Doctor lock on to Amy’s time-stream, and things turn in to a 1990s point and click game. The Doctor controls Rory, who is equipped with some geek-chic glasses that allow the Doctor to see the action - Rory-cam. Rory has to go in to the time-stream because he is immune to the infection, it only affects species with two hearts, such as time-lords, and as the Doctor reminds us, he currently has his regeneration powers turned off. But unfortunately they have arrived too late in Amy’s time-stream, specifically 36 years too late, and Amy has grown old alone.

I was impressed by the make-up job, it wasn’t too over-the-top, it looked real. And Karen Gillan excelled as the bitter, wiser, old Amy Pond. Having spent 36 years alone, fighting Hand-bots, Amy has grown more knowledgeable, she discovered how to out-think the Hand-bots, she hacked in to the interface, and she even made her own sonic-screwdriver (probe). She lives within a make-shift room by the temporal engines, with nothing but a disarmed Hand-bot for company, whom she named Rory - her very own Wilson.

But she has also grown resentful, she claims that she hates the Doctor “I hate him more than I’ve hated anyone in my entire life.” I like it when things don’t always go quite right for the Doctor. “Don’t you lecture me, blue box man, flying through time and space on a whimsy.” Sometimes he needs to hear the truth, much like in A Good Man Goes To War, the Doctor realises the extent his existence effects others, and not always in a positive way.

Amy laughs for the first time in 36 years, and the man to make her laugh was of course Rory. It was a touching scene, and the music here was excellent, it reminded me slightly of Jon Brion’s soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

The Doctor has a new plan, hijack the temporal engines and use their energy to fix a point between the two time-streams and bring them together. There is only one fault in that plan, Amy doesn’t want to be saved, for her it is too late.

If the Doctor rescues the ‘past Amy’ then the ‘old Amy’ will cease to exist, the past 36 years won’t have happened, and Amy won’t allow that, instead she asks Rory to save her, meaning that ‘past Amy’ will have to wait 36 years to be rescued - essentially Rory has to choose which wife he wants to save. Now it is Rory’s turn to be angry at the Doctor, if this is the way the Doctor travels then “I do not want to travel with you!” Rory screams.

Then comes Karen Gillan’s defining moment as Amy Pond. In this monologue to herself, Karen Gillan proves she has the acting chops to stand toe-to-toe with Matt Smith, and any of the previous companions. Amy has to basically convince herself to let the Doctor and Rory save her, and to do that she utters three words “What about Rory?” It’s another scene that pulls at the heart-strings, as both Amy’s reminisce about how they fell in love with Rory, the most beautiful man they have ever met.

Old Amy agrees to be save the past Amy, but only if Rory saves her too, two Amy’s aboard the TARDIS. The Doctor tells Rory that this could be possible, that the TARDIS could sustain the paradox.

Who would’ve thought that it would be the macarena that helped rip through two time-streams? But this was the memory of Amy and Rory’s first kiss, a memory so strong that it allowed the time-streams to join together, bringing both past Amy and old Amy in to contact. “You always say at Christmas you could do with two of you,” is Rory’s positive spin on the situation.

As Rory and his wifes make a run for the TARDIS, Old Amy goes all Kill Bill with her samurai sword on the Hand-bots. Past Amy is touched by one of the Hand-bots and his put to sleep, Rory picks her up and carries her on to the TARDIS, effectively making his choice over which Amy he wants to save. Then comes a moment that seemed so cruel, but necessary, the Doctor locks the TARDIS door on Old Amy. The Doctor reasons with Rory that once they save Past Amy then the Old Amy will cease to exist, that none of this will have happened, the future would be re-written, but for Rory this doesn’t make it any easier.

Old Amy tells Rory that if he loves her then he won’t let her in, she sacrifices her “days” for her past self and for Rory, the love of her life. She gives up her 36 years so that Amy and Rory can be together, and grow old with each other. If your heart wasn’t wrenching earlier in the episode, then surely it got you here. Again, Gillan and Darvill were just superb.

Rory locks the door, and Old Amy accepts her fate, taking one last look at earth before the Hand-bots put her to sleep.

The Girl Who Waited was another Rory and Amy love story, but perfectly told and brilliantly performed. It also put in to place the idea that the future isn’t set in stone and can be re-written, which is surely foreboding for how the Doctor escapes his date with death at the end of the series.

Doctor Who Series 6 - Night Terrors

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 20:24:00 +0100

One of the great things about Doctor Who is its variation in tone, genre, and pace. It’s how it can go from the high-adrenaline, exciting confusion of a Steven Moffat written episode, to a more slower-paced, traditional story-led episode, and appeal to different sections of the audience.

Night Terrors, penned by Mark Gatiss, was definitely a slower-paced, stand-alone episode. Like Gatiss’s previous Who episodes, it was simple yet slick, creepy in places, and full of pastiche and nods to 1970s horror films and tv shows. I think Mark Gatiss is a talented writer, and I’m a huge fan of the League of Gentlemen, so I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I just think his Doctor Who episodes, except for The Unquiet Dead, tend to be rather predictable and uninspiring. That’s not to say they are bad, although the less we say about the Victory of the Daleks the better, it’s just that they feel a little stagnant, and this is highlighted even more so now that Moffat is the show-runner.

But I just have to accept that this episode wasn’t made for me. I know it was liked by plenty of other Who fans, old and new. For those that complain about the complicated series-arc, this was an episode for them to enjoy for what it was. And I’m sure it frightened and entertained children in equal measure.

Doctor Who Episode 9 Review - Monsters Are Real

There is a reason why Night Terrors perhaps felt out of place, and that’s because, well, it was out of place. This episode was originally intended to air in the first half of the series, somewhere before The Rebel Flesh. We don’t know the exact reasons why it was moved, maybe Moffat felt there were too many “dark” episodes in a row, although the episode that replaced it was The Curse of the Black Spot, which was also set at night.

The moving around of the episode would certainly explain Amy and Rory’s indifference in finding their daughter Melody, because of course, when this episode was filmed their daughter wasn’t born yet. And also, at this point Amy is a ganger and not the real Amy Pond, hence the Doctor’s line “Back in the flesh”, which instead of a neat little foreshadowing now sounds like an insensitive dig.

Night Terrors felt similar to the Series 2 episode Fear Her, except this one didn’t seem like it was a sixth form college video project. Night Terrors was beautifully shot, I love when the dank and dreary can be made dazzling, and the shots of the block of flats looked incredible. But it was similar to Fear Her in concept; a child has a psychic ability to control things based on their fears and imagination - and both episodes featured something evil lurking inside a cupboard.

The Doctor has always had a connection with children, the original target audience of the show was children, and this episode was all about the fears children have, and how to help them. Little George’s cry for help travelled through the stars and the galaxies, and reached the Doctor on his TARDIS. “He needs a Doctor,” his Mother says, and that is exactly what George is about to get.

George, a seven year old boy, lives with his parents in a block of flats in London, and he is terrified of things that go bump in the night. He is spooked by old toys, he thinks the old woman next door is a witch, he is even afraid of the noise the lift makes.

When George is scared of something he locks it away in his cupboard, it is a ritual that he and his parents have set up to control his fears, this also involves switching the light on and off five times. The Doctor, posing as the social services, tries to get to the bottom of George’s fears, at first trying to cheer George up by impressing him with gadgets, like his sonic screwdriver. But when the screwdriver can’t pick up a read on the cupboard, the Doctor starts to become fearful himself, as he tells Alex, George’s Dad, that “George’s monsters are real.”

Meanwhile the Ponds have taken a lift to hell, “We’re dead — again!” Rory says, in a self-depreciating nod to the many deaths Rory has had during his time on the show. But the Ponds aren’t dead, rather they are trapped in what turns out to be a freaky dolls house, complete with wooden pans, glass eyes, and painted on clocks. Oh, and some walking, talking, living dolls, that look like Chuckie on steroids!

Gatiss is good at coming up with sinister looking monsters, I’ll give him that. The dolls were genuinely unsettling, and the transformation of the other characters from humans in to porcelain monstrosities was very well done, and probably got a fair few of the children watching locking themselves in the cupboard!

It soon became apparent that George’s fears were being held captive inside the dolls house. The old woman, that George believed was a witch, was sucked in through a pile of rubbish, which I thought was a metaphor for her acting ability. The evil landlord was sucked in through the carpet. And the Ponds were brought there via the lift, but why was George afraid of Amy and Rory? Well, earlier in the episode when Amy and Rory walked by George’s window he overheard Rory saying “Maybe we should let the monsters gobble him up”.

Even though the episode was fairly safe and straight-forward it did have a nice twist with George turning out to be some kind of alien, a Tenser the Doctor called him, a creature that seeks out a home and can adapt itself to its surroundings. Alex remembers that his wife Claire wasn’t able to have babies of her own, a fact that had been all but erased from his memory. George just wants to be wanted, but he is scared that his parents want to send him away, and this aggravates his other fears, which he can physically lock away inside of the dolls house - a psychic repository as the Doctor puts it.

Amy is turned in to a doll, again this would have been a nice reference to Amy not being the true Amy had this episode aired during the first half of the series. I wonder if we will be seeing Amy dolls (not those kind of dolls) in Toys R Us this Christmas.

The Doctor and Alex are sucked in to the dolls house as well, and find themselves surrounded by the evil dolls. It isn’t up to the Doctor to save the day this time, it is up to George and his father, and acceptance, the acceptance of fear and love. Alex battles the dolls and protects George, telling him that he is his son no matter what he is.

Everything is returned to normal, almost as if it was all a dream, and the Doctor and the Ponds go on their way, successful in their house-call.

As I said, it was a stand-alone episode that was slightly slow-going but told it’s story well, and had convincing monsters. There wasn’t anything to get my teeth stuck in to story-arc wise, apart from the reminder of the Doctor’s date of death at the end of the episode. I personally think that this episode would’ve worked better in it’s original slot within the first half of the series, and perhaps on the DVD release it will be returned to its intended spot.

The preview for next week’s episode was madness, I have no idea what is going on, it was like Amy was stuck in a sadistic version of The Cube! Again, that is the beauty of Doctor Who, how it can flip pace week to week and continuously deliver entertaining television.

by Martin Holmes

The Impossible Astronaut Review: http://bit.ly/esSJmD

The Day of the Moon Review: http://bit.ly/iMyZ1f

The Curse of the Black Spot Review: http://bit.ly/iTFn59

The Doctor’s Wife Review: http://bit.ly/kdpoD3

The Rebel Flesh: http://bit.ly/k6qbKl

The Almost People: http://bit.ly/k4xiCu

A Good Man Goes to War: http://bit.ly/ioNf8M

Let’s Kill Hitler: http://bit.ly/qQOy74

Doctor Who Series 6 - Let's Kill Hitler

Sun, 28 Aug 2011 14:50:00 +0100

It feels good to have it back doesn’t it? After a summer of riots and phone-hacking scandals, nothing could be more appropriate to lighten the mood than locking Hitler in a cupboard. The beauty of this episode was that it managed to be fun and silly while still clearing up a lot of questions left dangling from the first half of the series, particularly regarding one River Song/Melody Pond.

Despite it’s comical title, Let’s Kill Hitler, this wasn’t the type of episode I was expecting to open up the second half of the series. The mid-series finale, A Good Man Goes To War, was very dark and grim in places, especially towards the end when the Doctor realises the extent of pain and destruction he has caused the universe, so I was assuming we would continue in that vein for a while. But instead, Let’s Kill Hitler was a fun-filled rollick around 1930s Berlin, who’d have thunk it?

Doctor Who Episode 8 Review - Take Me To The River

Like us, the Doctor has been gone all summer, he has been searching for Amy and Rory’s daughter, Melody Pond, whom we found out in the mid-series finale is also River Song. As the Doctor doesn’t carry a mobile phone with him, the easiest way to get his attention is to create an elaborate crop circle spelling out his name - which is what the Ponds do. They got it absolutely perfect, I wonder if they are well practiced? Maybe they tried it on a number of different crop fields until they got it right.

The Doctor informs Amy that he hasn’t yet been able to locate Melody, but that she should be safe in the knowledge that he will do eventually, because they all know she grows up to be River Song.

Just look at the way she holds that gun? I should have seen the twist coming, but I didn’t! The gang is joined by Mels, who describes herself as Amy and Rory’s best friend, who we have never heard of previously. The signs were all there for the twist to come: the flirting with the Doctor, her previous jail time, running from authority, and the name! Come on, I should have made the connection with the name!

Mels basically hijacks the TARDIS, “You’ve got a time-machine, I’ve got a gun. What the hell? Let’s kill Hitler.”

There is a nice little flashback of Amy and Rory as kids, along with Mels, who it seems really was their best friend. Is this an alternate time-line? Or was Mels always a part of their lives? Mels appears to have an obsession with the Doctor just like young Amelia does, and is constantly questioning Amy about him.

The bit with Amy realising that Rory likes her, thanks to Mels meddling, is a really sweet moment, and quite strange when you think that Melody basically brought her parents together. And then Amy named her daughter after her…daughter.

That poster in the background was intentional right? “Break the Silence…” It has to be. See, I spot the little things in the background but I miss the obvious stuff staring me right in the face.

So with a bullet lodged in the TARDIS, we end up arriving in Berlin 1938. What at first appears to be some sort of robotic janitor, turns out to be a human-looking spaceship that is controlled by miniaturised humans. That’s right, things all go a bit…

Honey I shrunk a Nazi! This spaceship can copy the appearance of others, morph itself in to them, while shrinking them down to mini-mes and bringing them aboard the ship. We see this happen to a Nazi Officer, who is zapped aboard the craft, and set upon by the “anti-bodies”, which look kind of like large jellyfish, although with these I doubt you can cure the sting by urinating on it.

“Welcome, you are unauthorised, your death will now be implemented,” the jellyfish tell the Nazi Officer. I like that they still welcome you before they terminate your existence, politeness goes a long way.

We learn that this spaceship is called the Teselector, and their objective is to punish the unpunished, those who committed great acts of atrocity in their life-time but never got true comeuppance. They focus specifically on war criminals, such as Hitler, and extract them at the end of their time-stream and “give them hell”. However, they arrive too early in Hitler’s time-stream, but before they have a chance to regroup, the TARDIS comes crashing in.

The Doctor and co end up inadvertently saving Hitler, “Believe me it was an accident.” Hitler is basically a MacGuffin, something believed to be a massive plot point but in the end is forgotten about, and rather quickly too. Hitler is played for laughs, he gets punched in the face by Rory, told to shut up, and then locked in a cupboard - just brilliant.

No, the real plot point here is Mels, who is caught in Hitler’s cross-fire, and lays dying on the floor. Mels tells the Doctor that she used to dream about marrying him, which is just one of many wedding references in this episode, and I’ll come back to that later. The Doctor makes a deal that if Mels survives he’ll marry her, and get her parents on the phone to ask permission, “Might as well do it now, since they’re both right here.” And the penny drops!

Mels = Melody Pond. All the clues were there, I still can’t believe I missed it, but I’m glad I did because it was a nice surprise. As Melody regenerates we get confirmation that the Little Girl that we last saw wandering the back-alleys of New York was also a regeneration of Melody, which many of us had assumed, but it felt good to have it put to rest finally.

Mels regenerates in to River Song, and this must be the moment that River talked about earlier in the series, that when they meet again the Doctor will know more about her than she does him. The Doctor and River have a cool little scene of one-upmanship that sees the Doctor thinking a step ahead every time, until the fatal Judas kiss. Again, the scene is played for laughs but is still informative.

“I was trained and conditioned for one purpose - to kill the Doctor,” River tells Amy. And with that one kiss River seals the Doctor’s fate, as she poisons him. The Meet Dave folk confirm Melody/River as the Doctor’s killer, but they dispute the date of his death, because their records show that the Doctor dies in Utah in 2011, which we saw in The Impossible Astronaut, and according to them, this is a “fixed point” that cannot be altered.

While the Doctor is slowly dying, Amy and Rory go on pursuit of River, who is running wild over Nazi Germany, killing guards, crashing parties, and stealing clothes. I know a lot of people find River Song an annoying character, and her flirting with the Doctor can get a bit tiresome, but she has grown on me over the series, and I thought she worked very well here.

One thing that did annoy me, or not so much annoy, but just didn’t sit well, is the fact that while you are regenerating you seem to gain superhero like powers, such has been able to survive jumping from buildings and bullet-fire. It’s a minor quibble, but a quibble nonetheless.

The Doctor is looking for strength to get him through his final moments before death. He returns to the TARDIS and activates the voice interface, which provides a hologram like image of people involved in the Doctor’s life, past or present, it’s very Star Wars. It first appears as the Doctor himself, but he tells it “Give me someone I like,” yes, the Doctor is self-hating. It then brings him Rose, Martha, and Donna, all of which represent guilt for the Doctor, and not strength.

Finally, it brings him young Amelia Pond, and although she continues to tell him “you will be dead in 32 minutes”, and that his regeneration abilities have been disabled by the poison, her recollection of “fish fingers and custard” is enough to give the Doctor the strength to power the TARDIS. We don’t get to see the rest of this scene, and I think that was purposeful, I’m sure more happened in between the Doctor starting up the TARDIS and him returning.

Meanwhile the Meet Dave ship morphs in to Amy, and shrinks the Ponds aboard. Both Amy and Rory are given privileges so that they don’t have the life extracted from them by the security jellyfish.

Spaceship Amy reveals some very vital information regarding the Doctor’s death and the Silence. She tells River “You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence, an academy of the question.” This is the first time we have heard of the Silence referred to as a “movement”, before we just believed them to be scary Nosferatu looking alien things in sharp suits.

As the Meet Dave people begin to extract River, the Doctor returns, dressed in an immaculate tuxedo and top hat, and he even has a cane. Now, perhaps this is just Moffat being quirky, because “top hats are cool”, but I think there is something more to this. Why would the Doctor return wearing a tux? He was almost knocking on death’s door, surely there are more important things at hand than a change of clothes? Well, like I said, we didn’t get to see all of the Doctor/Amelia scene inside of the TARDIS, maybe because we will see that play out later in the series.

I believe the Doctor flew the TARDIS somewhere else before he returned to Berlin. Where did he go? Well, like I mentioned earlier, this episode had a fair few wedding references, first Mels tells the Doctor “I don’t do weddings,” which River backs-up later on, but as Mels lays dying she says that when she was little she dreamed of marrying him. Also, back in the Series 5 episode The Big Bang, when Amy remembered the Doctor back in to existence, where did he end up? That’s right, a wedding, and what was he wearing? Yep, top hat and tails.

So has the Doctor been to a wedding? Whose wedding? His wedding perhaps, to the one and only River Song? The show has hinted at it, the characters have hinted at it, the fans have speculated about it, and maybe it is true, perhaps the Doctor and River are husband and wife. Why he would have went to the wedding before he returned to Berlin, I have no idea, but if this is the case I’m sure we’ll find out later.

The Doctor asks the Meet Dave ship/Teselector to provide him with his records, which Amy has the privileges to allow. He wants to know who wants him dead, and we are given even more information on the Silence. “The Silence is not a species, it is a religious order or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked…The first question, the oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight.” - Okay, I’m trying not to miss the obvious this time, but is it trying to say that the question is…”Doctor who?” Surely not, because, I dunno, that seems a little corny.

Meet Dave folk start to “give hell” to River, basically torturing her, the Doctor demands they stop but they refuse to listen. Amy and Rory have to help, so Amy uses the sonic screwdriver to turn off everyone’s privileges, and the jellyfish go on a rampage. The crew are beamed up in an obvious Star Trek reference, while Amy tells the jellyfish “We come in peace,” in an obvious Star Trek reference.

Now that the Ponds have saved River, it is time for her to return the favour, and she flies the TARDIS, rescuing Amy and Rory. River says the TARDIS spoke to her, she is “a child of the TARDIS.” It does bring up the question, how many other human-time-lord hybrids could the Doctor create if he starts up a couples retreat on board the TARDIS?

Melody/River asks who River Song is, and so Amy accesses River Song’s files via the Meet Dave spaceship robot thing, even though I thought Amy lost her privileges? The ship morphs in to River Song, and seeing herself, Melody/River has a change of heart, and uses all of her regeneration power to bring the Doctor back to life. Just like she did when she first appeared in The Silence In The Library, River sacrifices her life(s) to save the Doctor.

River is left to recover in hospital, the Doctor leaves her the blue diary that we have seen River with in past episodes. We are told that River has used up all of her remaining regenerations because of saving the Doctor, and that explains why she didn’t regenerate in The Silence In The Library. As the Ponds and the Doctor prepare for more adventures, at the Lunar University in 5123 (imagine what the price of tuition fees will be then!) River tells a professor of archeology that she is looking for “a good man”. And the penny drops!

I think some people were disappointed with this episode because they had become a victim of hype, and they expected something different. Fair enough, the title was misleading, as it was more Let’s Kill The Doctor than Let’s Kill Hitler, but I think Moffat managed to create a fun, humorous, weird episode that was also information packed. It was really River’s coming out episode, and Alex Kingston was on fine form. We had plenty of confirmations regarding River Song; we know she was the Little Girl, we know why she didn’t regenerate in TSITL, we know where she got the blue book, and it was strongly hinted that the reason she was in prison was for killing the Doctor.

We also got more information on the Silence which I’m sure will be a running arc throughout the next five episodes. And on top of that, Hitler was left in a cupboard!

I’m happy to have the Doctor back, and I look forward to discussing the rest of the series.

by Martin Holmes

The Impossible Astronaut Review: http://bit.ly/esSJmD

The Day of the Moon Review: http://bit.ly/iMyZ1f

The Curse of the Black Spot Review: http://bit.ly/iTFn59

The Doctor’s Wife Review: http://bit.ly/kdpoD3

The Rebel Flesh: http://bit.ly/k6qbKl

The Almost People: http://bit.ly/k4xiCu

A Good Man Goes to War: http://bit.ly/ioNf8M

Let’s Kill Hitler: http://bit.ly/qQOy74