Ahh, it feels good to have it back, doesn’t it? Pure, unadulterated, undeniable cheese, but so addictively entertaining. Big Brother never tries to pretend to be anything more than it is, it wears it’s idiot badge with pride, and we love it all the more for it.
These reviews aren’t going to be in-depth, Big Brother and the word “depth” should never be really used in the same sentence, and I won’t be recapping every single event of the episode, unlike my Doctor Who blogs. Instead I will be providing my thoughts on the show, it’s housemates, it’s twists, and the game itself, and selecting a few stand-out moments from each episode.
The twist this season is nicknamed “Double Trouble” (which does sound like the Olsen Twins have made a porno movie - I just wrote that so this blog has more chance of appearing in Google search), meaning that for the first four weeks the housemates are playing the game as pairs (you remember, like that awful twist from BB9?), the eight newbies had to partner up, before they were joined by former dynamic duos from seasons past.
The newbies are an interesting bunch, the first episode is always such a barrage of screaming and shouting, it’s hard to get a real grasp on people until they settle down after a week or so. But within ten minutes I already knew Adam was going to bug the shit out of me the entire season, with his constant devil-horns and “I wanna be a rock-star” yelling. Seriously, did he really need to yell about everything?
It feels more forced than Rachel’s fake laugh. Heavy metal. Pfft. The closest this guy could get to heavy metal is visiting the scrap-heap. I bet he listens to Nickleback.
I feel sorry for poor Dominic who has to be partnered with this not-even-good-enough-to-be-a-roadie rock wannabe.
I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting to like Dominic, I had pre-judged him based on the fact that he’s a mactor (model/actor) that was scouted for the show, and wasn’t a fan before he auditioned. But for me he stole the show last night, especially when it came to the Diary Room, he had some funny lines, seemed likable, and the way he spoke and his mannerisms reminded me of Dr Will, and that just made him ten times more likable (lets hope he can be half as good a player as Will was).
Here are a couple of selected Dom Disses (yes, that’s what I’m calling them) from last night’s episode:
On Keith picking Porche as his partner: “You’re not picking a prom date, you’re picking a partner for a game. Idiot, you’re thinking with the wrong head, Keith.”
On being partnered with Adam: “Out of no where, this loud, crazy, martini-sipping, 90210 loving, bacon eater, wants to be my partner. And I’m thinking to myself, this is not a good situation here, because if I say no I might die right now, and if I say yes, I’m obviously gonna be this guy’s jail-buddy.”
On Evel Dick and Daniele: “I have no idea who this fool is, he’s coloured out and tatted like crazy, and he’s rolling through like he’s the man. And you see his little hoochie-mama with the half-shirt and tattoos all on her stomach, and then comes the bomb, that it’s not his girlfriend, it’s his daughter.”
Ugh! Adam, go away.
Dominic is my early pick to win, he seems likable, looks to be in good shape for the competitions, and I feel if his duo was to be nominated it would be Adam to be evicted over him.
Every year you get at least one housemate lying about their occupation, this year it seemed everyone was at it. Keith, instead of telling people he was a Deacon, said that he ran a match-making business. Cassi didn’t let on that she was a model. And Porsche said she was a student, rather than a VIP Cocktail Waitress, because she didn’t want the rest of the housemates to know she had such a “luxurious job”, yeah because being a cocktail waitress in Florida sounds really luxurious! She also likes guys with “some kind of ethnicity”, she’s not choosy then.
What was with the constant compliments for Lawon’s fashion sense? He looked like The Joker at Mardi Gras. Lawon, like Adam, irritated me, but unlike Adam I can put it down to first night nerves, I think if he’s given the chance Lawon will settle down and could be a fairly decent housemate. He ended up partnered with Kalia, who didn’t particularly seem enthused about the prospect, and to be honest, who could blame her?
Adam! That’s enough! (you know you’re all scrolling back up to look at Adam’s shirt in the first picture)
The first Head of Household competition involved lots of bananas, and was basically an excuse for a lot of thinly-veiled (I said veiled) dick jokes. Each duo had to hold on to a large banana (hey, nobody said this show was classy), the last duo holding on would win HoH. As well as the newbies, also taking part in the competition were the three returning duos, who are:
Brendon and Rachel aka “Brenchel” (Ain’t no one getting between me and my man, except for random Brendon fan-girls on Twitter)
Jeff and Jordan (their gameplay may be lacking, but they are still two of the most likable people to ever appear on the show)
Dick and Daniele aka The Donatos (apparently haven’t spoken in three years, but that’s what they said last time, and it was bullshit)
They aren’t the three duos I would have picked personally, would have much preferred to see Dan and Memphis, Will and Boogie, or go right back and get Danielle and Jason from BB3. But it’s understandable why they picked those three duos, they are either popular, memorable, or controversial, and will bring in ratings.
The first HoH competition was everything we’ve come to know and love from a good Big Brother competition, silly props, humiliation, and housemates been squirted with chocolate and whipped cream! Yay! And of course, plenty of dick jokes.
3. “Jordan is first to fall off my banana.”
2. “I spend most of my time on bananas.”
1. “It’s all well and good riding a big banana, and then you get shot with whipped cream in the face.” (Come on! That was awesome!)
So, proving her challenge dominance from last season wasn’t a fluke, Rachel wins the first HoH for herself and Brendon, meaning they are safe for this week. Rachel now has to nominate, and the twist to the game this season is that each week the HoH must nominate one duo, and then that duo have to campaign against each other. The member of the duo that is evicted goes home, and the member that stays receives a Golden Key, effectively making them immune until the final ten. It’s certainly interesting, but I prefer the game to be played individually, thankfully the duos twist will only last for the first four weeks.
And that’s pretty much it, I think there’s certainly enough components there to make an entertaining season, it surely can’t be any worse than BB12. I’m going to keep these blogs spoiler-free, although I am aware of the recent happenings, and I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out on TV.
Another summer of Big Brother is on!